Friends bound to each other by genuine and sincere love find great pleasure in the fulfilment of the duties involved in friendship. They do not hesitate to bring sacrifices for each other’s well-being; they evince heartfelt sympathy for each other in good and evil fortune.
All the duties of charity—gemilluth chesed—which we owe to our fellow-men in general, apply with increased force when our fellow-man is also our friend. One of these duties demands our special attention, because it is frequently neglected through human weakness: truthfulness and openness. Flattery, objectionable as it is in every case, is most detestable between friends. We must encourage our friends by kind words, and acknowledge their merits, but we must not spoil them by undue flattery. If, on the other hand, we discover errors or vices in our friend, it is our duty to communicate to him openly our opinion, and to do all that is in our power to bring him back to the path of righteousness and truth. [[308]]“Thou shalt surely rebuke thy friend, and not suffer sin upon him” (Lev. xix. 17).
Friendship is mostly formed without premeditation, and without any aim; we are friends, we do not know how and why; some similarity in our character, in our talents, in our views, in our successes and failures, or in our fortunes and misfortunes, draws us together, and we become friends before we are aware of the fact. But as far as we have control over our feelings we ought to be careful not to plunge into friendship without knowing something of the character and the tendencies of those with whom we are to associate ourselves in such close relationship. In Proverbs we are told, “Make no friendships with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go” (xxii. 24). Ben-sira (vi. 6) exhorts us, “If thou wouldst get a friend, prove him first, and be not hasty to credit him.” Our Sages say, “It is easy to make an enemy; it is difficult to make a friend” (Yalkut on Deut. vi. 16).
The acquisition of a true friend is by no means an easy task. But it is a task that cannot be dispensed with. Persons who enjoy a life spent in loneliness uncheered by friendship are exceptions to the rule; such a life is miserable, and the climax of all the evils complained of by Heman the Ezrahite (Ps. lxxxviii. 19) is: “Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, and darkness is mine acquaintance.” Job in his great sufferings longs for “the love which is shown to the unhappy by his friend” (Job vi. 14).
Friendship being one of our most valuable possessions, it must be well guarded and cultivated, lest it be lost or weakened. “Thine own friend and thy [[309]]father’s friend, forsake not” (Prov. xxvii. 10). “Let thy foot be seldom in thy friend’s house, lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee” (ibid. xxv. 17).
True friendship can be extended only to a few; but those who are not our friends need not be our enemies. They are all our fellow-men, and our conduct towards them is to be guided by the principle, “Love thy fellow-man as thyself.” We are distinctly commanded, “Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart” (Lev. xix. 18), “brother” having here the same meaning as fellow-man. Enmity, like friendship, comes frequently unawares; we dislike or even hate a person without knowing why. But it is our duty, as soon as such an ill-feeling has stolen into our heart, to search for its origin; and this being done, we shall generally feel ashamed of having allowed our heart to be invaded by such an unworthy intruder. We must keep away from evil-doers, and not associate with wicked people; but this is a very different thing from hating our neighbour. The pious wish, “May sinners cease to exist, and the wicked be no more” (Ps. civ. 35), is explained in the Talmud in the words of Beruria, daughter of Rabbi Meir, as follows: “May sins cease to exist, and the wicked will be no more.” We often conceive just indignation at the misdeeds of our neighbours, and cannot well separate the doer from the deed. But we ought in such cases of indignation to examine ourselves, whether the source of our indignation is pure, or has its root in selfishness. Such an analysis of our motives would soon purify our heart of all ill-feeling.
In our conduct towards those whom we consider our [[310]]enemies, or who consider us their enemies, we must show forbearance and a desire to offer or to seek forgiveness, according as we are the doers or the sufferers of wrong. Self-love and self-esteem, if not kept within due limits, easily produce feelings of revenge. Without entirely suppressing human nature, we are bound to control our feelings, and to let love of our fellow-men in all conditions occupy the first place in our heart. We are taught by our Sages, “He who is forbearing, receives also pardon for his sins” (Babyl. Talm. Yoma 23a); “Be of the persecuted, and not of the persecutors” (ibid. Baba Kama 93a); “To those who being offended do not offend, being insulted do not insult, the verse applies: ‘And they who love him shall be as the sun when he goeth forth in his might’ ” (Judges v. 31; Babyl. Talm. Shabbath 88b).
(2.) Man and wife are united by the holy bond of marriage. They owe to each other love, faithfulness, confidence, and untiring endeavour to make each other happy. The neglect of these duties turns a happy home into an abode of misery and wretchedness.[14] The last of the prophets, Malachi, rebuking such neglect, says: “The Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously, yet is she thy companion and the wife of thy covenant.”
(3.) As citizens of a State we must take our proper share in all work for the welfare of the State. When the State is in danger we must evince patriotism, and must not withdraw ourselves from those duties which, under [[311]]such circumstances, devolve upon every citizen. All our means, our physical and intellectual faculties, must be at the disposal of the country in which we live as citizens. Thus Jeremiah exhorts his brethren in Babylonia: “Build ye houses and dwell in them; and plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them; … and seek the peace of the city whither I have caused you to be carried away captives, and pray unto the Lord for it: for in the peace thereof shall you have peace” (Jer. xxix. 5, 7). Similarly we are taught, “Pray for the welfare of the government” (Aboth iii. 2).[15]
An important dictum of Samuel, a Rabbi famous for his decisions in questions of civil law, is accepted in the Talmud as law: “The law of the State is binding upon us,” דינא דמלכותא דינא (Babyl. Talm. Baba Kamma 113a). It is, according to the teaching of the Talmud, incumbent upon us, as citizens of the State, to obey the laws of the country. There is no difference between Jews and their fellow-citizens with regard to the duty of loyalty. It is only in case of an attempt to force us aside from our religion that we are not only justified in resisting and disobeying laws framed with this intention, but we are commanded to do so. But in the absence of such intention, we must fulfil all those duties which devolve upon all citizens alike—such as military service in countries that have general conscription—although such obedience may carry with it a breach of some of the laws of our religion. On the contrary, evasion and desertion [[312]]of all national obligations is a serious offence against our holy Law.