"What's this vegetable supposed to be—seakale or asparagus?"
"Neither, sir" (chuckling). "It's salsify. Thought you wouldn't know it, as you don't seem to be up in the names of things."
I bury my face in my serviette and hold on to the tortoise.
"It's like stewed sawdust."
"Is it, sir? The cookery book says it's like vegetable hoyster."
"Vegetable what?"
"Vegetable hoyster."
"I don't understand you" (thunderingly). "Speak plainly, girl."
"Do you know what gentlefolks buys off stalls at the seaside and eats with lemon and cyenne?" (An apparent effort to keep calm.)
Peter (shouting): "Winkles!"