We read our Mr. Britlings but intermittently. The plot in which we find ourselves competes with the best seller. Subconsciously I am always listening for the explosion. If the Germans don’t do it with a submarine, it may be a floating mine that the last storm has lashed loose from its moorings.
What is this? Rumour spreads among the steamer chairs. Everybody rises. Little groups gather with lifted glasses. And—it is a piece of driftwood sighted on the wide Atlantic. That thrill walks off in about three times around the deck.
But what is that, out there, beyond the steamer’s path? Right over there where the fog is lifting? Surely, yes, that shadowy outline. Don’t you see it? Why, it’s growing larger every minute. I believe it is! Oh, yes, I’m sure they look like that. Wait. Well, if it were, it does seem as if the torpedo would have been here by now. Ah, we shall not be sunk this time after all! Our periscope passes. It is clearly now only a steamship’s funnel against the horizon.
Then one day there is an unusual stir of activity on deck. The sailors are stripping the canvas from off the lifeboats. The great crane is hauling the life rafts from out the hold. Oh, what is going to happen? The most nervous passenger wants right away to know. And the truthful answer to her query is, that no one can tell. But we are making ready now for shipwreck. In these days, methodically, like this it is done. It has to be, as you approach the more intense danger zone of a mined coast. You see you never can tell.
I go inside once more to try the straps of my life-preserver. But we are sailing through a sunlit sea. And at dinner the philosopher at our table—he is a Hindu from Calcutta—says smilingly, “Now this will do very nicely for shipwreck weather, gentlemen, very nicely for shipwreck weather.” It is the round-faced Hollander at my right, of orthodox Presbyterian faith, who protests earnestly, “Ah, but please no. Do not jest.” The next day when the dishes slide back and forth between the table racks, none of us laugh when the Hollander says solemnly, “See, but if God should call us now.” Ah, if he should, our life boats would never last us to Heaven. They would crumple like floats of paper in Neptune’s hand. Eating our dessert, we look out on the terrible green and white sea that licks and slaps at the portholes and all of us are very still. The lace importer from New York at my left, is the most quiet of all.
For eight days and nights we have escaped all the perils of the deep. And now it is the morning of the ninth day. You count them over like that momentously as God did when he made the world. What will to-morrow bring forth? Well, one prepares of course for landing.
I sit up late, nervously censoring my note book through. The nearer we get to the British coast, the more incriminating it appears to be familiar with so much as the German woman movement. I dig my blue pencil deep through the name of Frau Cauer. I rip open the package of my letters of introduction. What will they do to a person who is going to meet a pacifist by her first name? That’s a narrow escape. Another letter is signed by a perfectly good loyal American who, however, has the misfortune to have inherited a Fatherland name from some generations before. Oh, I cannot afford to be acquainted with either of my friends. I’ve got to be pro-ally all wool and yard wide clear to the most inside seams of my soul. I’ve got to avoid even the appearance of guilt. So, stealthily I tiptoe from my stateroom to drop both compromising letters into the sea.
Like this a journalist goes through Europe these days editing oneself, to be acceptable to the rows of men in khaki. So I edit and I edit and I edit myself until after midnight for the British government’s inspection. I try to think earnestly. What would a spy do? So that I may avoid doing it. And I go to bed so anxious lest I act like a spy that I dream I am one. When I awake on the morning of the tenth day, all our engines are still. And from bow to stern, our boat is all a-quiver with glad excitement. We have not been drowned! There beside us dances the little tender to take us ashore at Falmouth.
FACING THE STEEL LINE OF INQUIRY
The good safe earth is firm beneath our feet before the lace importer speaks. Then, looking out on the harbor, he says: “On my last business trip over a few months since, my steamship came in here safely. But the boat ahead and the next behind each struck a mine.” So the chances of life are like that, sometimes as close as one in three. But while you take them as they come, there are lesser difficulties that it’s a great relief to have some one to do something about. At this very moment I am devoutly glad for the lace importer near at hand. He is carrying my bag and holding his umbrella over me in the rain. For, you see, he is an American man. The more I have travelled, the more certain I have become that it’s a mistake to be a woman anywhere in the world there aren’t American men around. In far foreign lands I have found myself instinctively looking round the landscape for their first aid. The others, I am sure, mean well. But they aren’t like ours. An Englishman gave me his card last night at dinner: “Now if I can do anything for you in London,” he said, and so forth. It was the American man now holding his umbrella over me in the rain, who came yesterday to my steamer chair: “It’s going to be dark to-morrow night in London,” he said, “and the taxicabs are scarce. You must let me see that you reach your hotel in safety.” And I felt as sure a reliance in him as if we’d made mud pies together or he’d carried my books to school. You see, you count on an American man like that.