For a few moments he made no reply, and we reached the door. He intimated that he would like to go the round again; and putting my arm in his, we walked silently on, as master Walter was soundly sleeping.
"Cora," said he at length, "for a few days I have been more miserable than I can tell you. I want to begin life anew; but I don't know how. All connected with this dear family are usefully and happily employed while I have only lived heretofore to please myself. Though I resolve, and re-resolve, I am no better. Even little Pauline has a principle and strength within her to which I am a stranger. Can't you help me, Cora?"
I had never seen Joseph so earnest, and I lifted up my heart for wisdom to direct me, that I might speak a "word in season." I then endeavored in my feeble, imperfect way, to direct my inquiring cousin to the fountain of all strength. I told him while he depended upon himself to keep the resolutions, he formed, he would necessarily fail. But aware as he expressed himself to be of his inability to help himself, if he would humbly and earnestly beseech God for Christ's sake to help him, God would certainly answer his prayer.
"I have tried to pray," he replied, much agitated. "I have always been taught to repeat prayers, but last night I could not sleep, and I got up and tried to pray, but I found no answer. Nothing assured me that I was heard."
"Do not despair, dear cousin. Pray again. I wish you would talk with the Doctor. He would direct you so much better than I can." This, I said, as I saw Frank approaching, having looked in vain through the house for us.
"As you please," he replied with a deep sigh, "but I fear it will do no good." I left him with the carriage, and approaching my husband told him in a few words the substance of our conversation, and requested him to invite Joseph to the library. I then ran forward to call Ann to take Walter up to his crib.
Joseph looked very much embarrassed for a moment; but I knew the Doctor would deal very tenderly with him, and at the same time that he would go to the root of the matter, and I anticipated much good from the interview.
Frank came to my room but for a moment, before he rode away. I saw that the time had not passed without strong emotion on his part. I have as yet had no opportunity to ask him about it.
Monday, March 27th.
Yesterday I was glad to notice the unusual solemnity of Joseph's manner at church. He is a dear, noble-hearted fellow, and I cannot but hope the prayers of his pious parents in his behalf will be answered. I must confess, I have sometimes thought they were too indulgent in their training, and allowed him altogether too much money. Considering how entirely he has been for many years his own master, and how much he has been petted at home, I think he is wonderfully free from faults, especially from that selfishness, prodigality, and disregard of the wishes of others which is too often the result of such training.