"How can I bear a child, when you knock me about so?... always striking me on the body and on the loins.... If only you would give up kicking me so constantly!..."
"How can one arrange the exact place where one kicks a person?"
Grischka tried to excuse himself in a grumbling voice. "At any rate I am not a brute! I don't do it for my pleasure, but only when that ache comes over me ... and I can't help myself then...."
"How is it that that aching feeling comes over you?" asked Matrona gloomily.
"You see, that's my fate, Motrja," Grischka philosophized. "My fate and my disposition. Am I worse than others?... Worse, for instance, than Lewtschenko, the 'Little Russian'? Certainly he takes life more easily than I do, and does not know what this ache is. He is alone in the world, and has no wife, no relations.... But without you I should certainly die.... Yes, that 'Little Russian' is happy enough; he smokes his pipe, and laughs, is lively and contented, the devil he is!... But I can't live like that.... I certainly was born with unrest in my soul, and have got that sort of disposition. Lewtschenko's nature is just like a straight stick; mine is like a spring; the least pressure on it makes it start vibrating.... For instance, I go along the street, and see beautiful things on every hand—and nothing of it all belongs to me. That makes me feel injured. The 'Little Russian,' he does not need any of those things. But it makes me furious to think how that moustached fellow is so entirely without needs, whilst I ... ah! I don't even know what I want.... I should like to have everything, yes, everything! But I sit here in this hole and work from morning till night, and it all leads to nothing. We sit here together, you and I, you my wife ... and what is the good of it all? What is there in you to give me pleasure? You are a woman, like all the rest of women. You can offer me nothing new; I know you through and through. I even know how you will sneeze to-morrow. I know it so well, because I have heard you sneeze a thousand times in the same way before.... What interest can I find in such a life? That's what is wanting to me—interest in life. Yes ... and that's why I go to the vodka-shop, because it's more cheerful there...."
"Then why on earth did you marry?" asked Matrona.
"Why?" Grischka asked mockingly. "The devil only knows why! I have often said I ought not to have done so. I ought instead to have joined the ranks of the tramps, where I should have suffered hunger, but I should have been free! Go where you will.... The whole world lies open before you!"
"Go then!... Set me free!" cried Matrona, with difficulty suppressing a sob.
"Where would you go then?" asked Grischka with angry interest.
"That's my business!"