I bore myself a grudge for not being more thrilled. I urged myself to lose sight of my individual misery, in order to continue in communion with my noble nation. I tried hard to do it, but my efforts were in vain!
An epistle from Guillaumin reached me. He was safe and sound, and was anxious to be reassured on my account. His letter contained some details. Yes, poor De Valpic had fallen. His body had been identified, and was reposing in hallowed ground, beneath a cross. The platoon had been reduced to half its strength the day after Nanteuil, but reinforcements had arrived during the following days. They had been engaged over and over again since then, and were fighting nearly every day; yesterday again at Guennevières. They did not forget me in all that! Guillaumin enclosed in his letter a joint card signed by each poilu. One shaky scrawl was from the hand of poor Donnadieu, hit by a splinter in the abdomen, and who, so my friend told me, had succumbed during the night.
Who would believe that I put off answering him. And, for that matter, my sister-in-law, too, who had sent me several affectionate missives. Sometimes it was enervation which tortured me, as I lay there, sometimes a gloomy atony.
Margaret, Cadieu's friend, had arrived, a pretty, fair-haired girl of the soubrette and ingénue type. Her presence exhilarated my neighbour to such an extent that our corner was one long roar of laughter. I alone did not cheer up. He cast sorrowful looks at me, and the girl took to bringing me flowers in the morning when she brought them for her Julot. How sorry they were for me!
And my father! He certainly would not have questioned me. But his speech which was usually abrupt, softened, and his gaze grew more gentle when it rested on me. I was grateful to him for his tacit compassion, and I felt inclined to cry.
RELIEF
How I trembled when at last I tore open...! My doom was to be pronounced. My secret terror was dissipated on glancing at the first lines. Jeannine reminded me that she was the daughter of a soldier, the niece and grand-daughter of a soldier. From time immemorial, glorious wounds had been revered in her family. She quoted the case of her great-uncle, who was also her godfather, who, in the year '70, had been hit by a bullet near his elbow, and had soon lost the use of his right arm, owing to rheumatism. Their admiration had surrounded him and followed in his train all his life long.