XIV
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Cumae, May 8, B.C. 49
What a wretched life this is! and to be so long afraid is more wretched than the very thing one fears! Servius, as I told you before, came on the 7th of May and on the next morning visited me. Not to detain you longer, we could not see our way to a plan. Never have I seen a man more upset with fear; and upon my soul he feared nothing that did not deserve to be feared. He pointed out that Pompey was angry with him, that Caesar was not friendly, that the victory of either would be terrible, both because Pompey was cruel and Caesar daring, and because of their money difficulties, which could only be got rid of by an attack on private property. He bewailed all this with such a flood of tears, that I was surprised they had not dried up in all that long time of misery. My own eyes do not shed one single tear, though this inflammation prevents me from writing to you; but it is often tiresome by keeping me awake. So please collect all the consolation you can and send it to me—not from philosophy or books—I have plenty of that, but I find somehow that the cure is too weak for the disease. Search rather for any news about Spain or Massilia. What Servius says about them is quite satisfactory, and he also tells me there is excellent authority for the story of the two legions. News of this kind then send me, if you get it, and such like topics. Anyhow in a few days something must be heard.
But to return to Servius. We deferred all our conversation to the next day: but he is reluctant to leave Italy, declaring he would much rather die in
in suo lectulo malle, quicquid foret." Odiosus scrupulus de filii militia Brundisina. Unum illud firmissime adseverabat, si damnati restituerentur, in exsilium se iturum. Nos autem ad haec "et id ipsum certo fore, et, quae iam fierent, non esse leviora," multaque colligebamus. Verum ea non animum eius augebant, sed timorem, ut iam celandus magis de nostro consilio quam adhibendus videretur. Quare in hoc non multum est. Nos a te admoniti de Caelio cogitabimus.