Quod putas oportere pervideri iam animi mei firmitatem graviusque quosdam scribis de me loqui quam aut te scribere aut Brutum, si, qui me fractum esse animo et debilitatum putant, sciant, quid litterarum et cuius generis conficiam, credo, si modo homines sint, existiment me, sive ita levatus sim, ut animum vacuum ad res difficiles scribendas adferam,
XXXVIII
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Astura, May 6, B.C. 45
I have no doubt you are overwhelmingly busy, as you send me no letter. But what a scoundrel not to wait for your convenience when I sent him for that very reason! Now I suppose you are in your suburban estate, unless anything kept you. I sit here writing all day long, and get no relief, though it does distract my thoughts.
Asinius Pollio has written about my blackguardly kinsman.[[77]] Balbus the younger gave me a clear enough hint lately, Dolabella a vague one, and Pollio states it quite openly. I should be annoyed, if there were any room left for a new sorrow. But could anything be more blackguardly? What a dangerous fellow! Though to me—— But I must restrain my feelings. There is no necessity for you to write, only write, if you have time.
[77]. His nephew, who had joined Caesar and was traducing him.
XXXVIIIa
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Astura, May 7, B.C. 45
You think there ought to be outward and visible signs of my composure of spirit by this time, and you say some speak more severely of me than either you or Brutus mention in your letters. If those who think my spirit is crushed and broken knew the amount and the nature of the literary work I am doing, I fancy, if they are human, they would hold me guiltless. There is nothing to blame me for, if I have so far recovered as to have my mind free to engage in difficult writing, and even something
80reprehendendum non esse, sive hanc aberrationem a dolore delegerim, quae maxime liberalis sit doctoque homine dignissima, laudari me etiam oportere. Sed, cum ego faciam omnia, quae facere possim ad me adlevandum, tu effice id, quod video te non minus quam me laborare. Hoc mihi debere videor, neque levari posse, nisi solvero aut videro me posse solvere, id est locum, qualem velim, invenero. Heredes Scapulae si istos hortos, ut scribis tibi Othonem dixisse, partibus quattuor factis liceri cogitant, nihil est scilicet emptori loci; sin venibunt, quid fieri possit, videbimus. Nam ille locus Publicianus, qui est Treboni et Cusini, erat ad me allatus. Sed scis aream esse. Nullo pacto probo. Clodiae sane placent, sed non puto esse venales. De Drusi hortis, quamvis ab iis abhorreas, ut scribis, tamen eo confugiam, nisi quid inveneris. Aedificatio me non movet. Nihil enim aliud aedificabo nisi id, quod etiam, si illos non habuero. Κῦρος δʹ, εʹ mihi sic placuit ut cetera Antisthenis, hominis acuti magis quam eruditi.