A fortnight later, after a second, similar experience, Mary K. told me, when I asked about this first confused period: “We had a terrific struggle for you then. We told you the truth, but the other forces controlled the pencil.... The forces of disintegration compelled us for the moment. We were not theirs, but they overpowered and used us.”
Early in June, while preparing this manuscript, I asked her: “Was it you who wrote, ‘You must not doubt. We shall lose control of you if you do’?”
“Yes. We were fighting for your faith.”
“Can you tell me why you did not explain then—why you have never explained—that the enemy had control?”
“We have certain limitations in conflicts of this nature.... In actual conflict we can only affirm. Remember that.... When attacked by disintegrating force, the only way we can help you is to call to your purpose and to affirm our own. In your individual struggle we may not interfere, even when it concerns our work. You must believe or doubt, according to your own choice.... We cannot tell you that disintegrating forces threaten you, until you have recognized them. Then we can help you repel them. Always we call to you and try to encourage you.... You must make your own choice and your own deductions, and learn in that way to discriminate between the forces appealing to you. Details of your personal struggles may not be explained. They are your development.”
Knowing nothing of all this in April, however, I insisted upon a detailed explanation of the Farrow mystery, and again the disintegrating forces played upon my doubt and bewilderment, elaborating excuses for the mistake, in Maynard’s name.
Refusing to accept any of these ingenious but illogical assertions, I contended that they were unfair to me, having first specifically volunteered this erroneous information, which they now attempted to account for by obviously specious explanations.
“We volunteer information pertaining to the message we have for the world through you.”
This, it will be perceived, was an affirmation indirectly disclaiming the Farrow messages, but I did not so recognize it, and reminded them that they had reproached me for not trusting them in this matter.