Allison Bain; Or, By a Way She Knew Not

by Margaret M. Robertson

There was a night or two of feverish restlessness, of “tossing to and fro until the dawning of the day,” a day or two of effort to seem well, and to do his work as usual, and then Doctor Fleming was sent for. It cannot be said that there ever came a day when the doctor could not, with a good conscience, say to John’s mother, that he did not think her son was going to die; but he was very ill, and he was long ill. The college halls were closed, and all the college lads had gone to their homes before John was able, leaning on Robert’s arm, to walk to the corner of the street; and it may be truly said, that the worst time of all came to him after that.

He had no strength for exertion of any kind; and worse than that, he had no motive, and in his weakness he was most miserable. It was a change he needed, they all knew, and when the days began to grow long and warm, something was said about returning to Nethermuir for a while.

“To Nethermuir, and the lanes where Allison used to go up and down with little Marjorie in her arms, to the kirk where she used to sit; to the hills which hid the spot where his eyes first lighted on her!”

No, John could not go there. He had got to the very depths of weakness when it came to that with him—and of self-contempt.

“There is no haste about it, mother,” said he. “The garden? Yes, but I could do nothing in it yet. Let us bide where we are for a little.”

Robert, who had refused to leave while John needed him, went home now, and Mr Hume came in for a day. Robert had “had his own thoughts” for a good while, indeed ever since the day when John had gone to his morning walk without him; but Robert had been discreet, and had kept his thoughts to himself for the most part. During John’s illness the lad had been about his bed by night and by day, and he had now and then heard words which moved him greatly—broken words unconsciously uttered—by turns angry, entreating, despairing. Foolish words they often were, but they brought tears to Robin’s “unaccustomed eyes,” and they turned his thoughts where, indeed, all true and deep feeling turned them, toward his mother.

Not that he had the slightest intention of betraying his friend’s weakness to her. How it came about he did not know—it had already happened more than once in his experience—before he was aware the words were uttered.

They were going together, by special invitation from Delvie, to see the tulips in the Firhill garden. They went slowly and rested on the way, not that they were tired, but because the day was warm and the air sweet, and the whole land rejoicing in the joy of the coming summer; and as they sat in the pleasant gloom which the young firs made, looking out on the shadows of the clouds on the fields beyond, it came into Robin’s mind that there could be no better time than this to tell his mother some things which “by rights” ought never to have happened, but which, since they had happened, his mother ought to know. They should never happen again, he said to himself, and he swore it in his heart, when he saw her kind eyes sadden and her dear face grow grave as he went on.

Then when she had “said her say,” and all was clear between them again, he began to speak about John Beaton; and before he was aware, he was telling her what he knew, and what he guessed of the trouble through which his friend was passing; then he hung his head.

“I never meant to speak about it,” said he. “It is only to your mother, Robin. And I have had my own thoughts, too. Oh! yes, many of them. I am sorry for John, but he needed the discipline, or it would not have been sent, and he’ll be all the wiser for the lesson.”