"Of course I'll give you whatever you need for—when—when it's born," he said. He was fumbling with his pocketbook; he had nothing more to say about leaving Mercer.
She took the money doubtfully. "I won't want it yet awhile," she said.
"I'll make it more if I can," he told her; he got up, hesitated, then put out his hand. For a single instant, just for her pluck, he was almost fond of her. "Take care of yourself," he said, huskily; and the next minute he was plunging down those three flights of unswept stairs to the street. "My own fault—my own fault," he said, again; "oh, what a cussed, cussed, cussed fool!"
It was over, this dreadful interview! this looking at the dead face of his Youth. Over, and he was back again just where he was when he came in. Nothing settled. Lily—who was so much more generous than he!—would still be in Mercer, waiting for this terrible child. His child!
He had accomplished nothing, and he saw before him the dismaying prospect of admitting his failure to Mr. Houghton. The only comfort in the whole hideous business was that he wouldn't have to pull a lawyer into it, and pay a big fee! He was frantic with worry about expense. Well, he must strike Mr. Weston for a raise!... which he wouldn't tell Eleanor about. A second step into the bog of Secrecy!
When he got home, Eleanor, in the dingy third-floor front, was waiting for him, alert and tender, and gay with purpose: "Maurice! I've counted expenses, and I'm sure we can go to housekeeping! And I can have little Bingo. Mrs. O'Brien says he's just pining away for me!"
"We can't afford it," he said again, doggedly.
"I believe," she said, "you like this horrid place, because you have people to talk to!"
"It's well enough," he said. He was standing with his back to her, his clenched hands in his pockets, staring out of the window. His very attitude, the stubbornness of his shoulders, showed his determination not to go to housekeeping.
"What is the matter, Maurice?" she said, her voice trembling. "You are not happy! Oh, what can I do?" she said, despairingly.