This shocked Father Paul for, as he explained,
If you should marry anyone respectable at all,
Why, you’d reform, and then what would become of Father Paul?
So he pulled up his cowl, the ballad went on to state—and Louise went on to act—and trotted off to tell the news to Robber Brown.
They came on together, while the Father repeated the news, and stood consulting in the corner, while Alice, from her actions, seemed to be thinking still of the sorter.
Robber Brown took it quite calmly. He decided to be quite kind to Alice about it—merely to
Nab that gay young sorter, terrify him into fits,
And get his wife to chop him into little bits.
He argued that Alice, after that, would not love him any more. So, while Father Paul exited, Robber Brown lay stealthily in wait, assisted by his wife. Presently along came the gay young sorter again, waving his hand jauntily to Alice. Robber Brown sprang out, crossed directly in front of the sorter, who appeared not to see him at all, and proceeded to track him up and down the stage two or three times, with Mrs. Brown trailing in the rear. After the three had gone up and down twice (Alice, also, oblivious to her parents’ presence, and throwing kisses to the sorter) Robber Brown finally “took a life-preserver” in the shape of a stout-looking stick, and pretended to fell the gay young sorter. Immediately Mrs. Brown bounded up with a piece of chalk, and proceeded to mark him off in pieces for dissection, for, as Robber Brown remarked:
I have studied human nature and I know a thing or two—
Though a girl may fondly love a living chap, as many do,
Yet a feeling of disgust upon her senses there will fall
When she looks upon her lover chopped particularly small!
Indeed, this terrifying sight as far as it went, seemed to have the desired effect on Alice. To be sure, she fell in a dead faint, and Father Paul had to catch her, while Mr. and Mrs. Brown, and two more bandits (in bandannas) carried off the late sorter; but immediately afterward a young bandit, very much like Robber Brown except that he was smaller, came in and was patted with obvious admiration by Mr. and Mrs. Brown, who led him up to Alice. She recovered slowly, sat up, and presently accepted his attentions with pleasure. Father Paul gave them his blessing, while Marie said: