Vivian was shaken in his resolution by his mother’s entreaties—by the idea of all the family quarrels that would ensue, and of all the difficulties in which he might be involved, if he persisted in his generous determination.
“My dear son,” resumed she, “it would be absolute madness to refuse the place that is now offered you: only consider the situation of your affairs—consider, I beseech you, the distress you will be in by and by, if you reject this offer—recollect the immense demands upon you; recollect that heap of bills for the election, and for the buildings, and all the poor workmen about the castle! and that coachmaker too! and remember, the purchase money of the house in town must be paid in three months. And the only possible means by which you can get out of debt, is by accepting this place, which would put you at ease at once, and enable you to continue in the style of life to which you have of late been accustomed.”
“As to that, I could alter my style of life—I would do any thing,” cried Vivian, “to pay my debts and preserve my independence. I will alter my mode of living, and retrench decidedly and vigorously.”
“Well, my dear son, I admire your spirit, and, if you can do this, it will certainly be best; but I fear that when it comes to the trial, you will not be able to persevere.”
“I shall—I shall! Believe me, mother, I have resolution enough for this—you do me injustice,” said Vivian.
“No, my dear Charles, I do you justice; for I do not doubt your resolution, as far as your own privations are concerned; but, consider your wife—consider Lady Sarah—consider the luxury in which she has always been accustomed to live, and the high sphere in which her relations move! How her pride would be hurt by their looking down upon her! I have no doubt Lady Sarah would do her duty, and make any sacrifices for her husband; and if you were—I must now speak plainly—if you were passionately fond of her—an all-for-love husband—you could, with honour and propriety, accept of such sacrifices; but what would retirement be to poor Lady Sarah, and with Lady Sarah?”
Vivian told his mother that he would take a night to reconsider the matter coolly; and, satisfied with having gained so much, she suffered him to go home. As he was quitting his own dressing-room, he paused, to consider whether he should consult his wife, who was, as yet, in ignorance of the whole transaction, and who knew nothing of the deranged state of his affairs. He did her the justice to believe that she would be willing to live with him in retirement, and to forego all the luxuries and pride of her rank, for the sake of her duty and of her love. He was convinced that, in any opposition between her father’s interests and her husband’s honour, she would strongly abide by her husband. He recollected all Lady Julia had said of the advantage that her sister’s firmness of mind might be in steadying his vacillating temper in any moment of trial. Here was the first great occasion, since his marriage, where his wife’s strength of mind could be of essential service to him: yet he hesitated whether he should avail himself of this advantage; and every moment, as he approached nearer to her apartment, he hesitated more and more; He did not, in the first place, like to humble himself so far as to ask her counsel; then he had not courage to confess those debts and embarrassments which he had hitherto concealed. All that his mother had suggested about the indelicacy of requiring or accepting great sacrifices from a woman whom, though he esteemed, he could not love—the horror of retirement with such a companion—the long years tête-à-tête—all these ideas combined, but chiefly the apprehension of the immediate present pain of speaking to her on a disagreeable subject, and of being obliged to hear her speak with that formal deliberation which he detested; added to this, the dread of her surprise, if not of her reproaches, when all his affairs should be revealed, operated so irresistibly upon his weakness, that he decided on the common resource—concealment. His hand was upon the lock of his chamber-door, and he turned it cautiously and softly, lest, in entering his apartment, he should waken Lady Sarah: but she was not asleep.
“What can have kept you so late, Mr. Vivian?” said she.
“Business, my dear,” answered he, with some embarrassment.
“May I ask what sort of business?”