“Why not, sir? John, I’ll swear, would have no objection to the church, provided you could get him a good fat living.”
“But I am not talking of his objections. To be sure he would make no objection to a good fat living, nor would any body in his senses, except yourself. But I ask you how I could possibly get your brother John into the church? John’s a dunce,—and you know it.”
“Nobody better, sir: but are there no dunces in the church?—And as you are so good as to think that I’m no wilder than my neighbours, you surely will not say that my brother is more a dunce than his neighbours. Put him into the hands of a clever grinder or crammer, and they would soon cram the necessary portion of Latin and Greek into him, and they would get him through the university for us readily enough; and a degree once obtained, he might snap his fingers at Latin and Greek all the rest of his life. Once in orders, and he might sit down upon his fat living, or lie down content, all his days, only taking care to have some poor devil of a curate up and about, doing duty for him.”
“So I find you have no great scruples for your brother, whatever you may have for yourself?”
“Sir, I am not the keeper of my brother’s conscience—Indeed, if I were, you might congratulate me in the words of Sir B. R. upon the possession of a sinecure place.”
“It is a pity, Buckhurst, that you cannot use your wit for yourself as well as for other people. Ah! Buckhurst! Buckhurst! you will, I fear, do worse in the world than any of your brothers; for wits are always unlucky: sharp-sighted enough to every thing else, but blind, stone blind to their own interest. Wit is folly, when one is talking of serious business.”
“Well, my dear father, be agreeable, and I will not be witty.—In fact, in downright earnest, the sum total of the business is, that I have a great desire to go into the army, and I entreat you to procure me a commission.”
“Then the sum total of the business is, that I will not; for I cannot afford to purchase you a commission, and to maintain you in the army—”
“But by using interest, perhaps, sir,” said Buckhurst.
“My interest must be all for your brother John; for I tell you I can do nothing else for him but put him into the army.—He’s a dunce.—I must get him a commission, and then I have done with him.”