Humiliated and grieved by these reflections, Cecilia began to search in her own mind for some consoling idea. She began to compare her conduct with the conduct of others of her own age; and at length, fixing her comparison upon her brother George, as the companion of whom, from her infancy, she had been habitually the most emulous, she recollected that an almost similar circumstance had once happened to him, and that he had not only escaped disgrace, but had acquired glory by an intrepid confession of his fault. Her father's words to her brother, on that occasion, she also perfectly recollected.
"Come to me, George," he said, holding out his hand; "you are a generous, brave boy. They who dare to confess their faults will make great and good men."
These were his words; but Cecilia, in repeating them to herself, forgot to lay that emphasis on the word men, which would have placed it in contradistinction to the word women. She willingly believed that the observation extended equally to both sexes, and flattered herself that she should exceed her brother in merit, if she owned a fault which she thought that it would be so much more difficult to confess.
"Yes, but," said she, stopping herself, "how can I confess it? This very evening, in a few hours, the prize will now decided; Leonora or I shall win it. I have as good a chance as Leonora, perhaps a better; and must I give up all my hopes? All that I have been labouring for this month past! O, I never can;—if it were to-morrow, or yesterday, or any day but this, I would not hesitate, but now I am almost certain of the prize, and if I win it—well, why then I will—I think, I will tell all—yes, I will; I am determined," said Cecilia.
Here a bell summoned them to dinner. Leonora sat opposite to her, and she was not a little surprised to see Cecilia look so gay and unrestrained.
"Surely," said she to herself, "if Cecilia had done this, that I suspect, she would not, she could not look as she does."
But Leonora little knew the cause of her gayety; Cecilia was never in higher spirits, or better pleased with herself; than when she had resolved upon a sacrifice or a confession.
"Must not this evening be given to the most amiable? Whose, then, will it be?"
All eyes glanced first at Cecilia and then at Leonora. Cecilia smiled; Leonora blushed.
"I see that it is not yet decided," said Mrs. Villars.