I shuddered. My soul sickened as I thought that within a few yards of us was the bleeding corpse of the man I had so lately seen alive and spoken with,—and notwithstanding Lucio’s words I felt as if I had murdered him.
“‘Temporary insanity’”—repeated Lucio again, as if speaking to himself—“all remorse, despair, outraged honour, wasted love, together with the scientific modern theory of Reasonable Nothingness—Life a Nothing, God a Nothing,—when these drive the distracted human unit to make of himself also a nothing, ‘temporary insanity’ covers up his plunge into the infinite with an untruthful pleasantness. However, after all, it is as Shakespeare says, a mad world!”
I made no answer. I was too overcome by my own miserable sensations. I walked along almost unconscious of movement, and as I stared bewilderedly up at the stars they danced before my sight like fireflies whirling in a mist of miasma. Presently a faint hope occurred to me.
“Perhaps,” I said, “he has not really killed himself? It may be only an attempt?”
“He was a capital shot”—returned Lucio composedly,—“That
[p 114] was his one quality. He has no principles,—but he was a good marksman. I cannot imagine his missing aim.”
“It is horrible! An hour ago alive, ... and now ... I tell you, Lucio, it is horrible!”
“What is? Death? It is not half so horrible as Life lived wrongly,”—he responded, with a gravity that impressed me in spite of my emotion and excitement—“Believe me, the mental sickness and confusion of a wilfully degraded existence are worse tortures than are contained in the priestly notions of Hell. Come come, Geoffrey, you take this matter too much to heart,—you are not to blame. If Lynton has given himself the ‘happy dispatch’ it is really the best thing he could do,—he was of no use to anybody, and he is well out of it. It is positively weak of you to attach importance to such a trifle. You are only at the beginning of your career——”
“Well, I hope that career will not lead me into any more such tragedies as the one enacted to-night,”—I said passionately—“If it does, it will be entirely against my will!”
Lucio looked at me curiously.