There seems to be only one basic rule governing the length of time; to see that the other partner achieves orgasm if it is desired. This often means that the husband must postpone his climax until the wife achieves hers. Most men are able to learn to control the moment at which they reach orgasm and therefore can wait until their wives are ready.
Orgasm in unison is widely held to be the most desirable form of climax. However, I have had many people of both sexes report that they preferred to reach climax immediately before or immediately after their partners. Some say that they are distracted by the other’s movements at this juncture. Others say that they profoundly enjoy the partner’s excitement and that they prefer to have a modicum of ego left to experience it more completely.
Some women have two or more orgasms to their husband’s one. By far the majority of men have only one orgasm per intercourse. If on occasion a man has his ejaculation before the woman achieves her climax, she will often continue her movements until she is satisfied. However, the glans penis (head of the penis) of many men becomes extremely sensitive immediately after orgasm, and in that case the woman may have to postpone her satisfaction until the next time. If she continues her movements it may cause her husband to have unpleasant sensations, even though he may still have an erection and thus appear to be able to continue.
(4) Limits to love-making
I am often asked the question whether any sexual practice between husband and wife could be considered “unhealthy” or “wrong.” In my opinion, certain practices could be considered so, though I know I am at variance with certain sexologists. A long discussion of the matter, however, would take us into psychological and even perhaps moral realms which I do not feel are pertinent to this book. As a rule of thumb, I would say that any practice that does not culminate in intercourse tends to be regressive and infantile if it becomes a chief method of sexual expression. Also, insistence on any practice that cannot be shared pleasurably by the partner is likewise regressive.
The so-called “polymorphus perverse” pleasures are aspects of foreplay and not ends in themselves. The primacy of the oral, anal, onanistic, or sado-masochistic forms of sexuality is a hallmark of the immature personality. Another unmistakable sign of such immaturity (or even of downright psychic illness) is the insistence on any form of sexuality not heartily endorsed by one’s partner.
(5) Contraception
To use or not to use contraceptives is a personal matter that every individual must settle for himself.
When the responsibility for contraception is up to the woman, she should always be prepared for intercourse whenever it is even remotely possible. There is nothing so deadening to sexual excitement as the woman who comes to love unprepared and must interrupt the process to put her diaphragm on. If this is a repetitive situation in marital life it is almost a certain sign that the woman has not yet accepted her feminine role. The tacit assumption when you obtain a diaphragm is that you are accepting the responsibility for contraception. There is rarely any need, other than a negative one on the woman’s part, for this to interfere or to impinge on sexual intercourse in any manner. The husband is quite correct who interprets chronic remissiveness of this sort as an unsolved problem of his wife.