The third reason is that women have, in effect, two organs of gratification, the clitoris and the vagina. Clitoral orgasm is immature, evades true feminine sexuality, and is considered a form of frigidity. However, millions of women find this earlier method of gratification so satisfying that they are not motivated to move up to the mature level.
Chapter 8
THE GROWTH OF LOVE
In medical school one of our courses included the study of the psychological stages of development man goes through from infancy to maturity. It also included the various pitfalls people encounter during these stages, the biological and psychological experiences that can prevent them from reaching psychological maturity.
During one class in which we reviewed the psychological hazards of adolescence a very intelligent student raised his hand and was recognized by the professor. “How does anybody ever really grow up?” this student asked.
The class laughed, of course. But the professor, after the laughter had died down, took the question quite seriously and complimented the student for his acuity. He then proceeded to address us for a half hour on the indomitable and surging drive of the human body and mind toward health and pleasure, a drive that will often overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles, that will pause for a while at times, apparently defeated, only to revive its original energy and resume its move toward the goal of health and maturity.
We see this drive daily in people who come for psychiatric help, and we know that it is the single most important element in psychological healing. As soon as the difficulty which was holding the person back has been resolved, his whole mind and body tend once again to resume its move toward health and happiness. It is well to keep this factor in mind as we explore here the stages of development women go through on their way to grown-uphood.
We have seen the grown-up, truly feminine woman in operation. You will remember that she is a delighted and delightful partner in that closest and most perfect expression of love, the sexual act. You will recall that a great part of her personality is organized around her maternal instinct and that the chief characteristic of that instinct is a pleasure in giving, an unappeasable altruism that always puts husband and child before self, even to the point of risking her own life and welfare. Her central activities revolve around her nest building and child rearing. Her personality is characterized by a deep intuitiveness about others. She is inward and passive, her energies devoted to that deepest of all needs, the procreation of the race of man through her own body. Her husband, by contrast, is aggressive, occupied basically with his struggles in the outside world. Her stage, the focus of her central interest, is the home and its preservation and its happiness.
How did she get this way? Or, in the case of women who fail to achieve a truly feminine personality, what actually happens, how do they get that way?
To be able to answer these questions, one must first understand the stages of development that women, all women, go through in the process of growing up. These phases of development have been under the closest scientific scrutiny for several decades. The realization of their importance for psychological health and illness has been one of the major achievements of modern psychiatry. They have been thoroughly explored, and if we do not yet know all there is to know about the subject, we still know a great deal.
The material I am about to go into is fact, scientific fact, not opinion. If the information here seems new or strange or even irritating to you, do not be surprised or upset. It is new and strange to most people and at first it may not seem applicable to you. But if you will stay with it, use it to understand the case histories which I will discuss afterward, you will gradually see why understanding these phases is so necessary and helpful to the individual who has not yet been able to achieve her full femininity. As you have been told many times, all psychological problems are rooted in infancy, childhood, or in adolescence. To uproot these problems, we must return to those stages of development with new tools, new ideas, a new master plan.