With her first intercourse, she finds a whole continent of sensations whose existence she had only heard about second-hand. While her clitoral sensations may still be quite pleasurable in the period of foreplay, her whole body now, in excitement, soon learns to yearn for the penetration of her lover’s penis, the unspeakable delight of the now vaginally centered sensations he can give her. She has little or no block to these sensations; there may be a period of adjustment for a few weeks or months until they become totally unfettered from childhood inhibitions and fears, but the months will be short. Now true orgasm is hers at virtually every sexual encounter with her husband, and in mutual delight their relationship will prosper and deepen.
Chapter 9
DANGERS ON THE ROAD
TO WOMANHOOD
Now we have seen the stages the normal woman goes through on her way to true sexual and psychological maturity, the step-by-step process of her growth. But we must, of course, ask what might happen to impede this growth, what pitfalls lie along the way into which she may stumble (or be pushed), causing her to develop symptoms of frigidity and the personality difficulties that always accompany this frigidity.
I should like to list these pitfalls in the same manner that I showed the normal and unimpeded growth of a woman: by taking the stages of development in the order of their appearance. If you are able to see the specific dangers along the path to grown-uphood, you may avoid repeating them with your own child and may learn much about the origins of your own problem, particularly as I show their application in the specific case histories that follow this chapter.
In the first or infantile stage of development the greatest danger to the child comes from ignorance on the part of the parents. In the past, parents did not know that the newborn babe has sensual feelings that become quite specific by the time he or she is three years of age and continue that way until he is about six. I am afraid many parents still do not know this fact, either have not heard of it or do not believe it is true.
Such a lack of knowledge is often accompanied by a moral horror of masturbation or, at the very least, of strong feelings of moral disapproval. This often leads the parent, especially the mother, to restrain the child from such sensual activity. Many parents slap the infant’s hands, some systematically remove the child’s hands when they see her playing with herself. Others, when the child learns to speak, will reprove her for her activities, often spank her if the activity persists.
Such an attitude could not be more mistaken and can have a disastrous effect on the child. The infant is tremendously responsive to even the subtlest disapproval on the part of the parents. In this all-important area she will react violently to punishment and even to verbal warnings. Often she will not only attempt to prevent her own masturbatory activity but will try to repress the whole of her sexual nature in an effort to keep her mother’s love. She may be quite successful in doing this, kill all her natural impulses in the bud. First experiences, as we know, are of great importance in development, and this early inhibition of her sexual nature can, and often does, lay the groundwork for sexual frigidity and a generally inhibited and circumscribed personality.
Another danger in this period can come from an exorbitant amount of overt love from the father. This is very difficult for certain men to understand fully. They argue, and quite cogently, that the young need a great deal of love, demonstrative love. That is indeed so, but it must also be remembered that children at this age are extremely erotic. They can be overstimulated sensually if the father does not bestow his loving caresses in judicious amounts, and the result can be a strong fixation of erotic feelings on the father, with a consequent overload of guilt feelings. These guilt feelings can lead to total frigidity in later life, and indeed may be the leading cause of this symptom, as we shall presently see. I am not saying that a father should not caress and dandle his little daughter; that would be against nature. He should, however, dole out his physical expressions of love in amounts that are not too stimulating to the child.
Another pitfall the child can encounter at this stage is quite the opposite in nature. It is, luckily, met with infrequently, but it does happen and it can have an important effect on the child’s development. I am speaking of seduction by an older child or an adult. It is not unknown for nursemaids or even older brothers and sisters to stroke the young child’s genitals. German and Austrian maids used to do it as a matter of course, stroking the little boy’s testicles and penis or the little girl’s vulva to put the child to sleep. However, this is absolutely harmful to the child, causing an overexcitation that can have a permanent effect on her sexuality. Masturbation is normal for this age, and in this form of narcissistic sexual activity the child is able to control the amount of sexual excitation she receives. Under normal circumstances she will not exceed this amount. However, stimuli from the outside are not self-regulating, and the child’s ego is not sufficiently mature to handle this overexcitation.
The result of a seduction on the child at this age can be disastrous. It can lead to any of the major forms or degrees of frigidity. In my experience, however, it most frequently seems to lead to the form known as “psychic frigidity.”