Nothing could be more mistaken than such an approach to the solution of a sexual problem in a woman. In the first place, surgery performed on the genitalia of a woman who is already sexually disturbed can cause profound shock to her psychologically, deepen her disturbance immeasurably—such was the case with this woman, my colleague told me. Second, the fact that the clitoris and not the vagina is responsive is a form of frigidity in itself. Even if this maddeningly ridiculous operation had worked in the manner the physician had hoped, it would only have perpetuated a situation that was in itself, psychologically speaking, pathological.
The psychiatrist did not have an easy time with this patient. The traumatic experience caused by the operation and its failure had taken a toll, and it took several months for her to recover from the psychological effects. But she was a determined young woman.
When she became convinced that the solution of her problem lay in discovering the hidden misunderstandings about sexuality that had occurred earlier in her life, she set about this task with a will. In a relatively short time, through insight and understanding, by getting the entire picture of frigidity and its meaning, she began to undo the Gordian knot that even the surgeon’s keen knife could not cut. At the root of her problem lay a totally hidden fear of pregnancy which she was able to face and dispense with. Today she has two children and, according to my colleague, is not only sexually normal but very happy in her marriage.
Let me make myself absolutely clear, even at the risk of repeating myself. Frigidity is in the vast majority of cases, essentially a psychological problem. The only way it can be approached with any hope of resolving it is through the mind, by understanding it. Anybody who tells you differently is, to put it plainly and simply, wrong. And, if you have a real frigidity problem and try to ascribe other than psychological reasons for it (such as that your husband is the cause of it), you are doing your cause (that of getting over the problem) a grave disservice.
When I say that the problem of frigidity is a psychological one I am not overstating the case; I am, to simplify matters, rather understating it. The greatest contribution of psychiatry in the past sixty years has been the discovery of the central importance of sexuality in the development of the individual.
Dr. Therese Benedek in her classic work, Psychosexual Functions in Women, states the whole matter succinctly when she says: “ … The sexual drive … is the axis around which the organization of the personality takes place.”
When all goes well in the development of the young girl, both her personality and her sexual passions will flower, she will achieve a beautiful and integrated maturity. But if, as so often happens, thwarting or blighting experiences take place, the development of her personality and her sexuality will be frozen at their sources, and maturity will remain a never-never land whose very existence she will come to doubt.
If she wishes to resume her growth she must be fearless, she must find out and face the events that blocked her growth, the misunderstandings and ignorance that prevent her from reaping the rewards of true womanhood. She must insist, deep within herself, on achieving that true and passional relatedness with her man for which there is neither simulacrum nor substitute in woman’s journey through life.
The bridge to emotional and sexual maturity is built of many facts—hard, scientific facts. Master these facts, gain information on this subject, and you can pass from a land of bitter deprivation to the richness that is your due, your heritage. It is waiting for you on the other side of your fear.