All of her early feelings toward men returned, only now they referred to the act of intercourse. Men were the lucky ones; they were on top. Just as in life. Woman’s classical sexual position in our civilization (on the bottom) was “degrading and humiliating.” It represented her position vis-à-vis men in life. As in life, men were the ones for whom irresponsible enjoyment was designed; no wonder they could enjoy sex so much; and they couldn’t get pregnant; they didn’t have to menstruate, etc., etc.
She aired these irrational feelings quite completely and saw them for what they were. She saw that they were a recapitulation, in sexual terms, of the negative feelings she had expressed earlier toward men. She realized, too, that her feeling that it was humiliating and degrading to be “on the bottom” really showed her deep distress, fear of, and underlying depression about what she took to be woman’s role in life.
The patient was rather surprised to see these irrational feelings reappearing. However, because of her earlier work on her psychological defenses, it was not too difficult for her to dispose of these negative attitudes toward the sexual act and to integrate her positive feelings about womanhood with woman’s sexual role. At that point she was not far from achieving vaginal orgasm. Within a month or so she had achieved it.
When a woman consciously abandons clitoral gratification in favor of her search for a deeper and more abiding joy, the switch from clitoris to vagina usually takes place gradually. I have known cases in which it has happened rather quickly, but it is more frequently a matter of two, three, or even more months.
One further word on this type: the clitoridal woman may discover that she cannot take the final step to vaginal primacy alone. She may need direct and expert counsel. This should in no way discourage her. The problem is a deep-seated one, but it almost certainly can be resolved. If after a few months of trying to handle the problem alone one finds out that too little progress is being achieved, I strongly urge that outside help be sought (see Addenda I, page 260, for methods of obtaining the correct kind of aid).
I have heard the therapy for total frigidity described as “a problem in rerearing.” Recalling the case history of Patricia Agnew, one can easily see why this phrase is so apt. The causes of this kind of frigidity go back to infancy. Punishment for infantile masturbation and/or an overly strong early fixation on the male parent causes the child to repress her sexual feeling entirely. She does not go through, in any complete way, the normal stages of psycho-sexual development; a part of her, the sensual and sexual part, remains frozen in the bud.
In my opinion, psychotherapy is frequently indicated when the frigidity is of this total type. The sexual aspect of the problem is sometimes too deeply seated for the individual to handle alone.
However, I know of several women who, when therapy was not possible, were able to make great strides toward truly feminine values and behavior by adopting the procedures described in this section. Though some of them were not able to achieve orgasm, the psychological change they were able to effect in their personalities added greatly to their general happiness and security in marriage. A few even were able to achieve orgasm.
For women with this form and degree of frigidity who wish to or must attempt to approach their problem without outside aid, I should like to point out that if general sexual development is resumed it will tend to recapitulate the stages of psycho-sexual growth we have described. Thus we find that when such women, through insight, are once again able to experience sensual feeling they sometimes go through a period of self-masturbation. Recall that this stage had been omitted in their development.
I should like to emphasize that, in terms of the final resolution of her sexual frigidity, this masturbation is perfectly normal for this kind of woman—just as it is contraindicated for the masculine or clitoridal woman. The totally frigid woman is making up for phases of development she had missed in growing up. Guilt feelings about masturbation in such cases are harmful, and the ego of the individual can be put in the service of overcoming such emotions. For those who have moral feelings against masturbation it is sometimes helpful to realize that modern scientific findings indicate that societal prohibitions against it were partly based on insufficient and incorrect information. It was believed for centuries that pubertal or infantile masturbation was harmful physically and mentally. It has now been clearly demonstrated, however, that the only harm of any kind that can come from masturbation is the psychological harm that is caused by guilt feelings connected with it.