Well, I couldn’t dispute him nor didn’t want to. When we arriv home I thought I would have jest about time to go to my room and wash my face and hands and put on a clean collar and cuffs and change Tommy’s clothes. Tommy went on a little ahead of me, and I see him bend down and stretch his little neck forrered and look through the door as if he wuz agast at some sight. And as I come up he put his little fingers on his lips, as I spoze he’d seen me do, and whispered: “Keep still, Grandma; I don’t know what Grandpa is doin’.”
I looked over his shoulder and thought to myself I should think as much, I should think he wouldn’t know. There stood Josiah Allen before the glass and of all the sights I ever see his dress went ahead. He had got on a red woolen 222 underskirt and his dressin’ gown over it kinder floated back from it, and he had took out of my trunk a switch of hair that Tirzah Ann had put in, thinkin’ mebby I would want to dress my head different in foreign countries; I hadn’t wore it at all, and it wuz clear in the bottom of my trunk, but he had got at it somehow and had fastened it onto his head, and it hung down his back and ended with a big broad, red ribbin bow; it was one of Tommy’s neck-ties. And he’d got all my jewelry––every mite on’t––and had fastened it onto him on different places, and all of Tommy’s ribbins to tie his collar with, wuz made into bows and pinned onto him, and my C. E. badge and W. C. T. U. bow of white ribbin, and he had got my big palm leaf fan and had tied a big, red bow on’t, and he wuz standin’ before the glass fannin’ himself and cranin’ his neck one way and tother to see how he looked and admire himself, I spoze. And anon he tried to put the fan over his right ear. The idee! a palm leaf fan that wouldn’t shet. And he spoke out to himself:
“No, I can’t do that, but I can be fannin’ myself, all the time fannin’ and bowin’.” And then he stepped forrerd towards the glass and made a bow so low that his switch flopped over and ketched on the rocker of a chair and he couldn’t move either way without jerkin’ his braid off.
“Goodness gracious!” I hearn him say, “I never yet tried to be genteel without its being broke up some way,” and he gin a jerk and left his switch on the floor. He took it up tenderly and smoothed it out and wuz tryin’ to attach it to his head agin. It wuz fastened on by a red ribbin comin’ up over his head and tied on top. But at that minute he ketched sight of me and he looked some meachin’, but he begun immegiately pourin’ our profuse reasons for his costoom and manners.
Sez he, “You know, Robert wants us to meet that high official, and I felt that it would help our relations with China if I should dress up China fashion.”
Sez I, “It will help one of your relations if you’ll take off 223 that red petticoat of hern, and ribbins and cameos and badges and things.”
Sez he, “I am doin’ this for political reasons, Samantha, and can’t be hampered by domestic reasons and ignorance.” And he kep’ on tyin’ the bow on his foretop.
Sez I, “For the sake of your children and grandchildren won’t you desist and not put ’em to shame and make a laughin’ stock of yourself before Miss Meechim and Arvilly and all the rest?”
“I shall do my duty, Samantha,” sez he, and he pulled out the ribbin of the bow, so that it sot out some like a turban over his forward. “Of course I look very dressy and pretty in this costoom, but that is not my reason for wearin’ it; you and Arvilly are always talking about political men who don’t come up to the mark and do their duty by their constituents. I am a very influential man, Samantha, and there is no tellin’ how much good I shall do my country this day, and the sneers of the multitude shall not deter me.”
Sez I, almost fearfully, “Think of the meetin’ house, Josiah, where you’re a deacon and looked up to; what will they say to hear of this, passin’ yourself off for a Chinaman; dressin’ up in petticoats and red ribbins!”