Sam. I am perfectly willing to coo if I had time; and I had jest as lives soothe lacerations as not, if I hadn’t everything else under the sun to do. I had jest as lives sit down and smile at Josiah Allen by the hour, and smooth down his bald head affectionately, but who would fry the nut-cakes, and make the ginger cookies. I could coo at him day in, and day out, but who would skim milk, and wash pans, and darn, and fry, and bake, and bile, while I was a cooin’?
Bet. Oh! Josiah Allen’s wife; we shall always diffeh on the subject of coos. But I wish to crave your advice on a deep and solemn subject. Martin Farquieh Tuppeh is one of the sweetest poets of the ages. My sentiments have always blended in with his sentiments. I have always flew with his flights, and soared with his soars. And last night after I had retired, one of his sublime ideahs come to me with a power I neveh felt before. It knocked the bolted door of my heart open, and said: “Betsey Bobbett, you have not neveh done it.” He remarks that if anybody is going to be married, their deah future companion is on earth, though we may neveh have seen him, or her, and it is our duty to pray for that future companion. Josiah Allen’s wife, I have not neveh done it; I feel condemned. Would you begin to pray now?
Sam. Are you going to pray for a husband, or about one?
Bet. (mournfully) A little of both.
Sam. Wall, I don’t know as it would no any hurt, Betsey.
Bet. I will begin to pray to-night, but that is not all. Folks must work as well as pray; I am going to take a decided stand. Be you a going to the quire meeting to-morrow night?
Sam. I am layin’ out to go if I hain’t too lame.
Bet. Josiah Allen’s wife will you stand by me? There is not another female woman in Jonesville that I have the firm unwaverin’ confidence in that I have in you. You always bring about whatever you set your hands to, and I want to know will you stand by me to-morrow night?
Sam. What undertakin’ have you got into your head now, Betsey Bobbett?
Bet. I am going to encourage the editor of the Augur. That man needs a companion. Men are offish and bashful and do not always know what is best for them. I have seen horses hang back in the harness before now; I have seen geese that would not walk up to be picked; I have seen children hang back from pikery. The horses ought to be made to go; the geese ought to be held and picked; the children ought to take the pikery if you have to hold their noses to make them. The editor of the Augur needs a companion, and I am going to encourage that man to-morrow night, and I want to know Josiah Allen’s wife, if you will stand by me?