I looked very sharp at her, and she felt it; her face looked red as blood, and all swelled up with mortification. But truly I had no time to waste on story tellers, or muse on their lies. Such sights as I see, such grand and imposin’ grandeur, such beautiful and soarin’ beauty; I wondered whether Paradise could have looked much better, and more foamin’; and if it did, I wondered more and more how Eve (a distant relative of mine on my mother’s side) could have done what she did do. As we walked along a broad and shady path I says:
“Never, never did I feel towards E Pluribus as I do to-day, Josiah. When I think of that old map of Grandfather Smith’s, and think how E Pluribus was huddled down there close to the shore, so insignificant and skairt lookin’ that it seemed as if it wouldn’t take but a very few more war-whoops and hatchets to tumble him right off into the Atlantic to drownd himself. And then to think how that old man has got up and spread himself out from ocian to ocian, to look round here and see this Sentinal a tellin’ to all the world how he has prospered;” says I, “never never did I feel towards E Pluribus U, as I do to-day;” and says I in tones tremblin’ with pride and thankfulness, “how do you feel Josiah Allen?”
Says he firmly, “I feel as hungry as a bear.”
I calmly took two cookies out of my pocket and handed them to him, and kep’ right on: “Never! never, did I realize the size, the grandeur, the loftiness, of E Pluribus as I do now; how high and lofty he stands, Josiah Allen; how forehanded he has got.”
My lofty episodin’ tone was ruther loud, and a by stander who had been a standin’ behind me unbeknown to me spoke up and says he:
“Yes, E Pluribus has got pretty well off, but what do you think Madam of the rings he wears on his honored fingers? What do you think of his choosin’ Tweed for raiment? What do you think of his wearin’ such dirty clothin’ as he has wore of late, and so thin too, so awfully thin.”
I declare for’t, I was most mad to think of anybodys tryin’ to bring me down from the height I stood upon, by talkin’ about store clothes and jewelry; but bein’ very polite in my demeanor, I answered him mildly, that I didn’t believe in anybodys wearin’ dirty clothes, and I never had no opinion of Tweed, nor none of that kind of cloth; it was slazy, and liable to drop all to pieces, and I’d ruther look further and pay more for cloth that was firmer and would stand more of a strain.
“Yes,” says he, “that is jest my opinion, and I think if E Pluribus wants to preserve his health he must keep cleaner, and be a little more careful about the material he chooses to protect his honored form; and in my opinion, he would look fur better if he didn’t wear so many rings on his venerable fingers; money rings; and wheat rings; and railroad rings.” He went on and named over a hull lot of jewelry, but I thought to myself that he was makin’ a little too free to talk with a perfect stranger, and I answered him in pretty cold tones:
Says I, “I never approved of old men’s wearin’ jewelry;” and says I, in still more frigid tones, “I never, even in my young days thought a man looked any the better for wearin’ ear-rings;” then I drew Josiah onwards down a path that looked shady, and considerable still and quiet; but jest as we moved on a man standin’ in front of us spoke up in a awe struck tone, and says he:
“That gentleman that jest spoke to you was a English Lord.”