I s’pose P. Cypher Bumpus can’t be beat on elocution; he’s studied hard, and took lessons of some big elocutionists, and they say he can holler up as loud, and look as wild as the biggest of ’em, and dwindle his voice down as low, and make as curious motions as the curiousest of ’em. Besides, he has took up lots in his own head. He is very smart, naturally, and has stood by his uncle Solomon all winter, like a Major. And considerin’ Solomon’s age, and his natural mind—which haint none of the best—and his lameness, I never see a man make such headway as Solomon Cypher has. He can make eloquent and impressive gestures, very.
Cornelius Cork, the President, they say has been a tryin to learn himself; has tried to take gestures and motions up in his own head; but bein’ a poor man and not bein’ able to hire a teacher, of course he don’t make much headway; don’t git along nigh so well. He haint got but one gesture broke in so he can handle it to any advantage, and that is: pointin’ his forefinger at the audience, with the rest of his hand shet up; dartin’ it out sometimes, as if it was a bayonet he was goin’ to run through their hearts; and sometimes holdin’ it back, and takin’ a more distant and deliberate aim with it, as if it was a popgun he kep’ by him to shoot down congregations with. That is all he has got at present; but truly, he does the best he can, with what he has to do with. It don’t scare the audience so much I s’pose as he thinks it ort to, and he probable gits discouraged; but he ort to consider that he can’t show off much in gestures, while Solomon Cypher is livin’. A kerosine lamp can’t show off to any advantage when the sun gits up. But the President done well as I said, with what he had to do with. He pinted that forefinger almost threatningly in every direction, from Zenith to Nathan, as he went on to say: he hadn’t no personal objections to Josiah Allen’s wife, “fur frummit.”
THE ONE GESTURE.
Cornelius Cork bein’ a poor man, and shackled with the support of four maiden sisters of his own, and a mother-in-law and a grandmother-in-law of his wife’s, besides a large family of childern of their own, haint never felt able to own a dictionary, and so he pronounces by ear, and makes mistakes. But considerin’ his circumstances and shackles, I don’t think he ort to be run down for it. It makes it very bad, sometimes, for Solomon Cypher, for he bein’ so took up with gestures and motions, and bein’ one easy led astray by them that are in high office, he follers on blindly after the President and uses lots of words he wouldn’t dremp of usin’, if he hadn’t heerd the President use ’em. It makes it bad for Solomon, very.
The President repeated the words again, with dignity and emphasis: “fur frummit.” He trusted he realized too well whose tower it was, that bein’ gone off on, had lifted Jonesville fur up above surroundin’ nations; had lifted it high up on fame’s towerin’ pillow, and shed a lurid light on the housen thereof. He trusted he was too familiar with that noble book of hern, of which he had read the biggest heft, and was calculatin’ to tackle the rest of it if he lived long enough. And he had said, and he said still, that such a book as that, was liable to live and go down to Posterity, if Posterity didn’t git shiftless and hang off too long. And if anybody said it wasn’t liable to, he called ’em “traitor, to the face; traitor to Jonesville; traitor to Josiah Allen’s wife; traitor to Josiah.”
His face got red as blood, and he sweat considerable, he talked so hard, and got so excited, and pointed that forefinger so powerful and frequent at the audience, as if he was—in spirit—shootin’ ’em down like wild turkeys.
Jest as quick as he collected breath enough, he went on to say that though nobody could go ahead of him in honorin’ that esteemable woman, still he sot principle up in his mind above any other female; higher even than Josiah Allen’s wife. It was solid principle he was upholdin’; the principle of the male sex not bein’ infringed upon; that was his stand. Says he, “For a female woman to talk in public on such momentous and weighty subjects—subjects that weigh I don’t know what they wont weigh but this I know: every one will be hefty;—for a female woman to talk on those deep and perhaps awful subjects as they are a bein’ brung up, would have a dangerous tendency to make a woman feel as if she was equal to man. It would have a tendency to infringe on him; and if there is anything a man can’t, nor wont stand, it is infringin’. And it would also bring her into too close contract with him; and so, on them grounds, as a Latin author observes in a similar case: ‘I deny her the right in tato toto.’”
That was Latin, and I s’pose he thought it would scare me, but it didn’t a mite; for I don’t s’pose he knew what it meant no more’n I did. I bound off my heel with composure. But the excitement was fearful; no sooner would them on one side make a motion, than them on the other side would git up and make a different motion. You know when sheep go to jumpin’ over the fence, if one goes, they all want to go. There was the awfulest sight of motions made, I ever see; everybody was jumpin’ up and makin’ ’em. Why, one spell, I had to lay holt of Josiah Allen and hold him down by main strength, or he’d been up a makin’ ’em; he wanted to, and tried to, but I laid holt of him and argued to him. Says I:
“Let ’em fight it out; don’t you make a single motion, Josiah Allen.”