“Did she ever try any arneky?” says I, “I do believe if she should try that and yarrer, she would git help.”
He said he didn’t think she ever had.
“Well,” says I, “I can recommend it to her, and I haint the only one. If she has any doubts of its bein’ good, let her go right to Miss Archibald Gowdey and she’ll convince her.” Says I, “Miss Gowdey told me with her own mouth that her brother’s wife’s grandmother was bed rid with lameness and she took arneky and wormwood, half and half, and steeped ’em up in vinegar, and put in one or two red peppers to git up a circulation on the outside, and took boneset and yarrer on the inside, and in three weeks time she felt like a new critter—could have waltzed if it wasn’t for her principles (she was a Methodist and wouldn’t be catched at it.) And I believe my soul if Miss Pedro should try it she would feel the good effects of it. And you tell her from me that if she haint brought up any herbs with her, or got any good vinegar by her, I’ll furnish her in welcome and it shant cost her a cent. I have got a piller case full of yarrer, and other herbs accordin’, and as good a hogset of vinegar as ever made its own mother.”
He felt well, Mr. Pedro did. He kinder laughed with his eyes, he took it so well in me, and he said he’d “mention it to the Empress.”
“Well,” says I, “so do; she needn’t be a mite afraid of takin’ the boneset and yarrer, for we have used ’em in our own family. My Josiah is kinder spindlin’, springs and falls, and I give it to him.” Says I, “Josiah looked so bad when he began to take it last fall that I was awful afraid I shouldn’t winter him through. He looked like a bean pole.”
All of a sudden, jest as I said bean pole, a thought came to me that mortified me awfully. Comin’ off so sudden as I had from his Theresy’s sickness onto my Josiah’s, bewailin’ their two feeblenesses as I had, and dwellin’ so on their two enjoyments of poor health, I didn’t know but he would think I was a actin’ some like Hamlet’s ghost, I have heerd Thomas J. read about, “Movin’ on towards a design.”
And I wouldn’t have him think so for the world, or git any false idees or false hopes and expectations into his head. Mr. Pedro is a sensible, smart, good-hearted feller; we are both literary, and investigatin’, and our minds are congenial, very. But if my Josiah should die off, I never should marry again, never. Life nor death can’t part two souls that are bound completely up in each other. No, when the clay that wraps them two souls round drops away from one of ’em, it only makes ’em nearer to each other. And so in the name of Principle I mildly but firmly sort o’ changed the conversation, and told him “Be sure and give my best respects to Miss Pedro, and tell her not to feel hurt at all if I don’t call on her while we are here to the village, for we can’t stay more than three days longer anyway, for we have got a settin’ hen that must be seen to, and other important business that calls us home. And we have got sights and sights of things to see before we go, and so have you I know; so I wont detain you another minute, though I’d love to visit with you longer.” And then I curchied again the best I knew how, and he bowed very pleasant and agreeable. I went and set down again for a few moments and Mr. Pedro walked round the room a little more, a lookin’ at the pictures and talkin’ with some of his mates, and they’d look at me every little while, dretful smilin’. They felt friendly to me I know, I had appeared well, I knew it and they knew it. There was a woman amongst ’em that a bystander standin’ by me said was the Empress. But I knew better; I knew if it had been his wife, Mr. Pedro would have made me acquainted with her, and been glad of the chance.
I did not see Josiah when I entered into the Department of Public Comfort. But there were enough there to be sociable; you wouldn’t be apt to feel lonesome. Never! never was I so nearly crushed, never did I see such a crowd; our faces were all red, our bodies wet with perspiration and sweat; I can compare our situation to nothin’ but red rossberrys when you make jam of ’em. It was truly a tegus time. And I sithed out to myself several times, “Is this a Department of Comfort Samantha? Tell me Josiah Allen’s wife is this Comfort, or what is it?” I would thus question myself almost wildly as I made nearly frantic efforts to keep my breath in my body, and my body hull and sound on the outside of my breath. Finally, I got kinder wedged in so my back was to the wall, and I began to breath easier, and feel happy. But little as I thought it, a worse trial was in front of me.
There was a tall sepulchral lookin’ chap standin’ right by the side of me, and I s’pose seein’ I had such a friendly and noble mean on me, he began to talk with me about the Sentinal and so 4th. And finally puttin’ on a kind of a confidential, but important look, he says:
“Keep your composure mom, and don’t be afraid of me, I am a lecturer mom.”