Josiah Allen's Wife as a P. A. and P. I.: Samantha at the Centennial. / Designed As a Bright and Shining Light, to Pierce the Fogs of Error and Injustice That Surround Society and Josiah, and to Bring More Clearly to View the Path That Leads Straight on to Virtue and Happiness.

by Marietta Holley

THE “CREATION SEARCHERS” AT THE SENTINAL

Says I firmly,—“Them spectacles will be the ruination of ’em, Josiah.”

“I know it,” says he, “but they have got a reputation to keep up, and will wear ’em.”

The next mornin’, feelin’ sort o’ weak and mauger, we thought we would ride to the Sentinal; and jest as we stepped out into the street, a man from the Grand Imposition Hotel hailed a big covered wagon, and it stopped and he got in. It was jest as full as it could be, seeminly; but the driver said there was “sights of room,” so we got in.

I thought I had seen close times, and tight times, in days that was past and gone, but I found that I knew nothin’ about the words. Why, a tower two miles in length, like that, would have been my last tower. It wasn’t so much that I hadn’t a mite of room, and stood on nothin’, and was squeezed to that extent that a corset was as unnecessary as blinders on a blind man; but I expected the ruff would come onto me every minute, such a tramplin’ round on it. And there I was with my arms pinned to my sides as close as if I was broke in to and they was bandaged to me for splinters. Oh! the tegusness of that time! And my pardner, another mummy by my side, a sweatin’ more prespiration than I would have thought possible, and couldn’t git his hands to his face, to save him; and we a groanin’, and more men a clamberin’ up on the outside, and hangin’ on with one hand, and more wimmen dragged up to suffer on the inside. Oh, never! never! did 10 cents buy such a terrible amount of bodily and mental agony as that 10 cents did.

MACHINERY HALL

But it passed away (the wagon) as all other sufferin’ will, if you give it time. The little turnin’ stile creaked round with us, and we started straight for Machinery Hall, for Josiah said he fairly hankered after seein’ the big “Careless Enjun,” and the great “Corrupt Gun.” The minute we entered into that buildin’ we had sunthin’ to think about.

We went through the three avenues. Josiah thought they was forty miles in length, each one of ’em. I, myself, don’t believe they was, though they was very, very lengthy, and piled completely full of usefulness, beauty and distraction. Every trade in the known world a goin right on there before our face and eyes, and we a walkin’ along a seein’ of ’em:—jewelers a jewelin’; rubber shoemakers a rubbin’; weavers, of all sorts and kinds, a weavin’; and bobbins a bobbin’; rock-crushers a crushin’; fanners a fannin’; lacers a lacin’; silk-worms a silkin’; butterfly-makers a butterflyin’; paper-makers a paperin’; printers, of all kinds, a printin’; and gas-makers a gassin’; elevators a elevatin’; steamers a steamin’; and pumpers a pumpin’; sewin’ machines a sewin’; braiders a braidin’; and curlers a curlin’; rollers a rollin’; and gymnastickers a gymnastickin’; wrenchers a wrenchin’; chucks a chuckin’; drills a drillin’ and gaugers a gaugin’; railroad signals, and frogs; switches a switchin’; bridges; railroads; steamships; threshin’ machines, all in full blast; and cataracks a catarackin’; and if there was anything else in the known world that wasn’t a goin’ on there, I would love to have somebody mention it.

The noise was truly distractin’; but if anybody could stand the wear and tear of their brains and ears, it was one of the most instructive and interestin’ places the world ever afforded to man or woman. Why, if there hadn’t been another thing in the hull buildin’, that great “Careless Enjun” alone, was enough to run anybody’s idees up into majestic heights and run ’em round and round into lofty circles and spears of thought, they hadn’t never thought of runnin’ into before. And there was everything else under the sun to see, and we see it; and everything under the sun to hear, and we heerd it. Though I can’t be expected to describe upon it, for I had to keep such a eye onto myself to keep myself collected together. Why, the noise of my sewin’ machine will make my head ache so sometimes, that I can’t stand it; and then think of takin’ the noise of seventy or eighty thunder-claps, and a span of big earthquakes, and forty or fifty sewin’ societies (run by wimmen), and all the threshin’ machines you can think of, and fifty or sixty big droves of lions and hyena’s a roarin’, and the same number of strong, healthy infants, under the influence of colic, and several hundred political meetin’s and deestrick schools jest let out, and several Niagara Falls; take the noise of all these put together and they don’t give you any jest idee of the noise and distraction.

Why, there was such a awful buzz and clatter of machinery; big wheels a turnin’ little wheels, and little wheels a turnin’ big ones, and all a buzzin’; such a glitterin’ of glass and gildin’ and colors of all kinds, and a swarmin’ of folks and chatterin’ of voices, and rustlin’ of dresses, and thumpin’ of canes, stampin’ of shoes and runnin’ of childern, and flutterin’ of ribbins, and wavin’ of hands, and bowin’ of heads; that though beauty and instruction was on every side of me and I knew it, yet I couldn’t take a realizin’ sense of it. I had to keep askin’ myself every few moments:—“Josiah Allen’s wife, is it you? tell me frankly, whether it is or not; or is it some of the relation on your mother’s side? or be you Josiah? or who be you?”