I told him he might, and then I rose up and put my bottle of ink on to the mantletry piece, and sot the table for supper. And this—generous and likely reader though I think a sight on you, and would have been glad of the chance to have told you so in a lawful way—is jest the reason why I have denied myself that privilege and don’t have no preface to this book. Further explanations are unnecessary. To the discernin’ mind my reasons are patented, for such well know that a husband’s wishes to a fond wife, are almost like takin’ the law to her. And knowin’ this, I hope and trust you will kindly overlook its loss. You will not call me shiftless, nor yet slack. You will heed not the dark report that may be started up that I was short on it for prefaces, or entirely run out of ’em, and couldn’t get holt of one. You will believe not that tale, knowin’ it false and also untrue. You will regard its absence kindly and even tenderly, thinkin’ that what is my loss is your gain; thinkin’ that it is a delicate and self-sacrificin’ token of a wife’s almost wrapped devotion to a Josiah.
WHAT I HAVE WRIT ABOUT.
| Page. | |
|---|---|
| Why I don’t have no Preface to this Book, | [v] |
| The Jonesville Debatin’-School, | [19] |
| The Widder Doodle, | [54] |
| A Debate on Intemperance, | [73] |
| Tirzah Ann as a Wife, | [103] |
| P. A. and P. I., | [121] |
| How I went to ’Lection, | [144] |
| Senator Vyse and his Victim, | [161] |
| How we Bought a Sewin’ Machine and Organ, | [193] |
| Preparin’ for our Tower, | [211] |
| The Widder and Widower, | [222] |
| How Serepta Carried the Meetin’ House, | [231] |
| I and Josiah Visit Philander Spicer’ses Folks, | [270] |
| Melankton Spicer and his Family, | [294] |
| Uncle Deacon Zebulon Coffin, | [316] |
| How I Married the Deacon’s Daughter, | [353] |
| The Grand Exhibition, | [370] |
| Good Land! Good Land! and Good Land!, | [383] |
| Patronizin’ the Railroad, | [386] |
| I Advise the Nation though its Great Men, | [400] |
| Interview with Gen. Hawley, | [406] |
| Doin’ the Main Buildin’, | [411] |
| Josiah’s Ride in a Chair, | [422] |
| A Trip through the World, | [425] |
| In the Chinese Department, | [440] |
| I Meet Old Acquaintances, | [453] |
| Widder Doodle as a Bride, | [460] |
| The Artemus Gallery, | [473] |
| Interview with Dom Pedro, | [490] |
| The “Creation Searchers” at the Sentinal, | [506] |
| Machinery Hall, | [507] |
| The Marquis of Lorne, | [513] |
| The Spiritualist, | [522] |
| The Wimmen’s Pavilion, | [523] |
| The Female Lecturer, | [525] |
| Among the Relics, | [535] |
| Among the Wild Beasts, | [539] |
| The Indian Question, | [541] |
| My Success as P. A. and P. I., | [547] |
| The Sentinal Promiscous, | [550] |
| The “Creation Searchers” in Jail, | [551] |
| The End of our Tower, | [557] |
| Home Affairs, | [559] |
| The 14th Day of September, | [561] |
| A Bridal Tower, | [563] |
| A Good Time Generally, | [570] |
| The Baby, | [576] |
| All Happy, | [580] |
WHAT THE KIND ARTIST HAS DONE
| Page | ||
|---|---|---|
| 1. | As a P. A. and P. I. | [Frontispiece] |
| 2. | Alas Poor Betsey | [21] |
| 3. | The Editor of the Auger | [24] |
| 4. | A Ride on the Bobs, (Full Page) | [30] |
| 5. | The Lyceum, (Full Page) | [35] |
| 6. | The Young Nephew | [37] |
| 7. | The one Gesture | [39] |
| 8. | A Thrillin’ Moment | [45] |
| 9. | Sunday Slumbers | [48] |
| 10. | Editor of the Gimlet | [52] |
| 11. | Plucky, (Tail Piece) | [53] |
| 12. | David Doodle | [56] |
| 13. | Widder Doodle | [60] |
| 14. | “The Voyage of Life” | [61] |
| 15. | Love’s Dream | [64] |
| 16. | Pretty Hands and Eyes, (Full Page) | [68] |
| 17. | Helping Churn | [69] |
| 18. | The Affirmative | [77] |
| 19. | Not the Right Kind of Horns, (Full Page) | [84] |
| 20. | The Blimmer Caught | [93] |
| 21. | Found Dead, (Full Page) | [96] |
| 22. | The Nervous Woman, (Full Page) | [111] |
| 23. | Left Behind, (Full Page) | [118] |
| 24. | Courting, (Tail Piece) | [120] |
| 25. | Testing a Man’s Temper, (Full Page) | [123] |
| 26. | The Thief at Home, (Full Page) | [131] |
| 27. | Josiah’s Secret, (Full Page) | [150] |
| 28. | The Editor’s Wife | [154] |
| 29. | The Stranger | [156] |
| 30. | Introduction to the Senator, (Full Page) | [163] |
| 31. | Young Womanhood | [168] |
| 32. | Fallen | [170] |
| 33. | The Little Innocent | [172] |
| 34. | Grief and Remorse | [173] |
| 35. | “Took to Drinkin’” | [174] |
| 36. | About a Fair Thing | [179] |
| 37. | Josiah Finds his Secret is Known, (Full Page) | [189] |
| 38. | Maternal Affection, (Tail Piece) | [192] |
| 39. | Avoiding a Nuisance, (Full Page) | [199] |
| 40. | The Sewin’ Machine Agents, (Full Page) | [207] |
| 41. | “It haint always best to tell reasons.” | [212] |
| 42. | The Widder, (Tail Piece) | [221] |
| 43. | “I Loved That Woman” | [226] |
| 44. | An Unsolved Mystery | [235] |
| 45. | Serepta Smith | [237] |
| 46. | “Needs Headin’ Off,” (Full Page) | [239] |
| 47. | Miss Horn | [245] |
| 48. | A Visit From the Church, (Full Page) | [263] |
| 49. | Too Many Ruffles, (Full Page) | [273] |
| 50. | Covered, (Tail Piece) | [293] |
| 51. | “That Door Wants Mendin’ Bad,” (Full Page) | [298] |
| 52. | “Apparently” Strong | [300] |
| 53. | An “Apparently” Welcome | [303] |
| 54. | “The House of Mournin’” | [305] |
| 55. | Gentility | [307] |
| 56. | The Pet, (Tail Piece) | [315] |
| 57. | Cheated | [319] |
| 58. | Competin’ with the Bar-Room | [324] |
| 59. | Deacon Zebulon Coffin | [331] |
| 60. | The Condemned Fiddle, (Full Page) | [334] |
| 61. | Foolin’ Away Time | [337] |
| 62. | Meetin’ the Deacon | [343] |
| 63. | Molly Consolin’ Tom Pitkins | [347] |
| 64. | Dressed for the Ball | [350] |
| 65. | Extravagant Wimmen | [351] |
| 66. | Frugal Men | [352] |
| 67. | The Deacon’s Old Game | [355] |
| 68. | Helpin’ the Widder | [360] |
| 69. | “I haint a Mormon” | [367] |
| 70. | “Buy a Guide?” (Full Page) | [379] |
| 71. | Samantha Addresses Gen. Grant | [400] |
| 72. | Interview with Gov. Hawley, (Full Page) | [407] |
| 73. | One of the Smiths (Full Page) | [418] |
| 74. | Josiah’s Five Hours Nap | [422] |
| 75. | Introduced to John Rogers Jr. | [432] |
| 76. | The Chinese Department, (Full Page) | [441] |
| 77. | Josiah in the Dressin’-Room | [458] |
| 78. | Politeness to a Stranger | [461] |
| 79. | The Phantom | [467] |
| 80. | Samantha in the Art Gallery, (Full Page) | [477] |
| 81. | Samantha Meets Dom Pedro | [491] |
| 82. | In Trouble | [505] |
| 83. | Josiah Admirin’ the Water | [539] |
| 84. | A Short Roll | [548] |
| 85. | The Sentinal Licensed | [551] |
| 86. | Bringin’ Her To | [563] |
| 87. | Judge Snow’s Surprise, (Full Page) | [573] |
| 88. | Under the Maples | [579] |
THE JONESVILLE DEBATIN’-SCHOOL.
It was to the Jonesville Debatin’-School, that we first thought on’t. It was there that Josiah and me made up our 2 minds to go to Filadelfy village to see the Sentinal. They’ve had Debatin’-schools to Jonesville this winter, and as I was the only literary woman worth mentionin’, they made a great pint of havin’ me attend to ’em. I say the only literary woman,—Betsey Bobbet Slimpsey havin’ to work out so much that she has entirely left off writin’ poetry. She says she can’t go out washin’, and cleanin’ house, and makin’ soap, and write poetry at the same time, worth a cent. They have a awful hard time to git along. They both work out by the day, and they say that she has had to sell her tow frizzles and corneleun ring, and lots of her other nice things that she had to catch her husband with, in order to git along. Howsumever, I don’t know this; you can hear anything, such a lyin’ time, now-a-days—as I told Josiah, the other day. He says to me, says he:
“I won’t believe anything, Samantha, till I see it with my own eyes.”
And says I,—“I wont believe anything, Josiah Allen, till I have got holt of it.” Says I, “mists and black arts are liable to be cast before your eyes; but if you lay holt of anything with your two hands, you are pretty certain it is there.”