Samantha. (Straightens up). Josiah Allen, I don’t want soap stuns or camfire, I want reason and common sense in a pardner, that’s what I want to relieve me. I have tried faithful to foller the rules you read this mornin’. You said you loved the man that wrote ’em and if I would only foller ’em you would be the happiest man in Jonesville or the world. I have follered ’em for about twenty minutes and it has reduced you to the condition of a lunatick. If twenty minutes has brung you to this state, what would hours and days of it do and years? Now it has made you lose your morals, tear round, use wicked language, break your word to your grocer, and act. Now if you have had enough of allurin’ and charmin’ say so and I’ll stop it.
Josiah. (Moved uneasily around while she was speaking and then said). Oh dum the piece! and dum the feller that wrote it!
Samantha. (Leans back, clasps her hands and smiles, Josiah stamps on the floor and kicks, Samantha smiles sweetly and murmurs). Sweet, darling he-angel!
(Josiah runs his fingers through his hair till it stands on end, stamps, kicks the boot-jack across the floor and loosens a panel in the clothes press door. His anger seems to have spent itself in this, for he turns to her and says mournfully). I haven’t had a mouful to eat for forty-eight hours. (Putting his hand to his head as if in despair for a minute or two, then lifting his head he says). Dear Samantha, I’ve had enough of the Rose Act, and I’m willin’ to have you vote, I want you to, I’ll carry you to the pole myself and swear you in if I go to jail the next minute.
Samantha. (Getting up and going towards the kitchen). Be megum, Josiah, don’t go too fast.
Josiah. I tell you Samantha, I’ve had enough allurin’ and charmin’ to last me through a long life, now I want some meat vittles, and I want ’em quick!
ACT III.
(A pleasant sitting room, lamps lighted for evening. Samantha dressed in brown alpaca, with a book in her hand sits in an easy chair and says to herself).
Samantha. Josiah sot off in good season after all for Jonesville, and at his request I went with him, and on the way we visited very agreeable. He wuz extremely affectionate, caused partly by his feelings, for he worships me, and partly by his dinner, for it wuz as good a dinner as hands ever got. I briled the young tender fowl I had already dressed, smashed up the potatoes with plenty of cream and butter in ’em, made an orange puddin’ so delicious it would fairly melt in your mouth, and some fragrant coffee so rich and yaller with cream it would do anyone’s soul good to drink it, and while I wuz gittin’ dinner, such is my faculty for turnin’ off work, I finished that butter, and immegiately after dinner packed it, put a snow-white cloth over it, and we sot off in good season after all for Jonesville.