“Oh right after ’lection,” says he. “I shall get off on the side that beats.”
I see here was a chance for me to do good and says I,
“Young man, ridin’ a fence never carried any man or woman into nobility or honor,” says I, “you may saddle and bridle a fence with all the velvet cushioned caution, and silver mounted excuses, and shinin’ policy you are a mind to, but you never could get Josiah Allen’s wife on to it, she had ruther walk afoot,” says I, “them brave warriors that go canterin’ doun life’s battle field, leadin’ on the forlorn hope in the cause of Right, don’t go ridin’ a fence.”
He looked stricken, and I asked him in a milder tone to look at his green braige for viels. He took off that hat and threw it doun behind the counter, and brought out the braige, and I bought right there on the spot a yard and a quarter of it. I then bought a pair of new cotton gloves, a good sized umbrella, a pair of morocco shoes, a pair of pink elastic garters, and two as good stockin’s as Jonesville afforded, and butter would pay for. I haint one to flounce the outside of the platter, and let the inside go bony and ragged. I haint no opinion of wolves on the outside, and sheep on the inside, I want to be sheep clear to the bone, in dress as well as principle. Wall, who should come into the store, jest as I was examinin’ the green braige through my spectacles, but Betsey Bobbet. My purchases lay all round me on the counter, and says she,
“Josiah Allen’s wife, what means this extravagant outlay of expendature?”
Says I, as coolly as if I went there every mornin’ before breakfast,
“I am goin’ to New York village on a tower.”
She fairly screamed out, “What a coincidence!”
Says I calmly, “It haint no such thing, it is green braige for a viel. It is 75 cents a yard.”
“You do not understand me, Josiah Allen’s wife,” says she. “I mean that it is so singulah and coinciding that I am goin’ theah too. Cousin Melindy, she that married Ebenezah Williams, is just goin’ with the consumption. And I felt that duty was a drawin’ of me theah. As I told motheh, in case of anything’s happenin’, in case that Melindy should expiah, how sweet and soothin’ it would be to Ebenezah to have somebody theah, that could feel for him. It would about kill Ebinezah to lose Melindy, and I feel that it would be so sweet and comfortin’ for him to have somebody on hand to lean on;” she smiled sweetly as she continued, “there is almost a certainty that Melindy is about to be took from our aching hearts. But I fall back on the scripture, and on my duty, and try to feel as if I could give her up. When do you start?”