CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE CURIOUS SIGHTS I SEEN AN’ THE HAIR-RAISIN’ EPISODES I UNDERWENT IN MY AGONIZIN’ SEARCH FOR MY PARDNER
Bildad’s folks wuz glad to see me. They visited us jest before they moved there, so I felt free. But not one word did I say about my quest for Josiah. No, such is woman’s deathless devotion to the man she loves, I’d ruther face the imputation of frivolity and friskiness, and I spoze they think to this day I went to Coney Island out of curosity and Pleasure Huntin’, instead of the lofty motives that actuated me. I knowed Bildad’s wife wuz most bed-rid so I would be free to conduct my search with no gossip or slurs onto Josiah.
And another reason for goin’ there: I knowed the savin’ sperit of my pardner, and I thought he would ruther git a free meal than to keep his incognito incog. And sure enough Bildad’s first words wuz, “Why didn’t you come with Josiah yesterday? He wuz here to dinner.”
Sez Bildad, “The last time I see him he wuz startin’ to take a trip to the Moon.”
Oh what a shock that wuz, Josiah goin’ to the moon; and yet even as he spoke I felt a relief, knowin’ man’s fickle nater, that the only inhabitant I ever hearn on in the moon wuz an old man instead of a woman. For few indeed are the men that will stand without hitchin,’ and as for girl blinders, they won’t wear ’em, much as they need ’em from the cradle to the grave.
“When wuz he layin’ out to return?” sez I in a tremblin’ voice.
“Oh they take trips there every half hour.”
Thinks I, to-day I go there myself, and Josiah Allen will come down to earth agin’ if I know myself. But not one word did I say to demean my pardner. Breakfast wuz ready and I sot down. But my emotions filled me up. I couldn’t seem to have any place for meat vittles, I couldn’t eat anything but some bread and butter and a glass of milk. A female settin’ by me sez, “You’re not goin’ to eat loose milk, are you?”