Samantha at the World's Fair

by Marietta Holley

"If you mind the expense, I could take one of your old short night-gowns and color it black, and set some embroidery onto it. I could cut some figgers out of creton—it wouldn't be much work. Why," sez he, "I could pin 'em on—no, dum it all," sez he, "I couldn't set down in it, but I could glue 'em on."

But I sez, "If you want to foller the Japans I could tell you a custom of theirn, and I would give ten cents willin'ly to see you foller it."

"What is that?" sez he, ready, as I could see, to ornament himself, or shave his hair, or dress up his big toe, or anything.

But I sez, "It is their politeness, Josiah Allen."

"I'd be a dum fool if I wuz in your place," sez he. "What do I want to foller 'em for? I am polite, and always wuz."

I looked coldly at him, and sez I—

"Japans wouldn't call their wives a dum fool no quicker than they would take their heads off."

Sez he, conscience-struck, "I didn't call you one. I said I would be one if I wuz in your place—I wuz a-demeanin' myself, Samantha."

Sez I, not mindin' his persiflage, "The Japans are the politest nation on the earth; they say cheatin' and lyin' hain't polite, and so they don't want to foller 'em; they hitch principle and politeness right up in one team and ride after it."