“Am I mistaken, or is this beautiful creation pipein’ or can it be Kensington tattin’?”
I drawed the tab back coldly and never dained a reply; agin he sez, in a tone of amiable anxiety, “Have I not heard a rumor that bangs are going out of style? I see you do not wear your lovely hair bang-like or a-pompadouris? Ah, women are lovely creatures, lovely beings, every one of ’em.” And he sithed, “You are very beautiful,” and he sithed agin, a sort of a deceitful lovesick sithe. I sot demute as the Spinks, and a chippin’ bird tappin’ his wing aginst her stuny breast would move it jest as much as he moved me by his talk or his sithes. But he kep’ on, puttin’ on a sort of a sad injured look as if my coldness wuz ondoin’ of him.
“My dear madam, it is my misfortune that the topics I introduce, however carefully selected by me, do not seem to be congenial to you. Have you a leanin’ toward Natural history, madam? Have you ever studied into the habits and traits of our American Wad?”
“What?” sez I. For truly a woman’s curosity, however parlyzed by just indignation, can stand only just so much strain. “The what?”
“The wad. The animal from which is obtained the valuable fur that tailors make so much use of.”
Sez I, “Do you mean waddin’ eight cents a sheet?”
“Eight cents a pelt—yes, the skins are plentiful and cheap, owing to the hardy habits of the animal.”
Sez I, “Cease instantly. I will hear no more.”
Truly, I had heard much of the flattery and little talk statesmen will use to wimmen, and I’d hearn of their lies, etc.; but truly I felt that the half had not been told. And then I thought out-loud and sez:
“I’ve hearn how laws of eternal right and justice are sot one side in Washington, D.C., as bein’ too triflin’ to attend to, while the Legislators pondered over and passed laws regardin’ hen’s eggs and bird’s nests. But this is goin’ too fur—too fur. But,” sez I firmly, “I shall do Serepta’s errents, and do ’em to the best of my ability, and you can’t draw off my attention from her wrongs and sufferin’s by talkin’ about wads.”