“Oh, shaw!” sez I. “The idee!”
“Well, I say the Trusts and Middlemen are dishonest as the old Harry. Don’t you remember what one on ’em writ to Uncle Sime Bentley and what he writ back? He’d sent a great load of potatoes to him and he didn’t get hardly anything for ’em, only their big bill for sellin’ ’em. They charged him for freightage, carage, storage, porterage, weightage, and to make their bill longer, they put in ratage and satage.
“Uncle Sime writ back ‘You infarnel thief, you, put in “stealage” and keep the whole on’t.’”
But I sez, “They’re not all dishonest. There are good men among ’em as well as bad.”
“Well, I lay out to see to it myself, and if they ever charge me for ‘ratage’ and ‘satage’ I’m goin’ to see what they are, and how they look.”
“Well,” sez I, “if you’re bound to go, I’ll get up and get a good breakfast and go with you.” It was the day of the Woman’s Suffrage Parade and I wanted to see it. I wanted to like a dog, and had ever since I hearn of it. Though some of the Jonesvillians felt different. The Creation Searchin’ Society wuz dretful exercised about it. The President’s stepma is a strong She Aunty and has always ruled Philander with an iron hand. I’ve always noticed that women who didn’t want any rights always took the right to have their own way. But ’tennyrate Philander come up a very strong He Aunty. And he felt that the Creation Searchers ort to go to New York that day to assist the Aunties in sneerin’ at the marchers, writin’ up the parade, and helpin’ count ’em. Philander wuz always good at figures, specially at subtraction, and he and his Step Ma thought he ort to be there to help.
I told Josiah I guessed the She Aunties didn’t need no help at that.
But Philander called a meetin’ of the Creation Searchers to make arrangements to go. And I spoze the speech he made at the meetin’ wuz a powerful effort. And the members most all on ’em believin’ as he did—they said it wuz a dretful interestin’ meetin’. Sunthin’ like a love feast, only more wrought up and excitin’.
The editor of the Auger printed the whole thing in his paper, and said it give a staggerin’ blow agin Woman’s Suffrage, and he didn’t know but it wuz a death blow—he hoped it wuz.
“A Woman’s Parade,” sez Philander, “is the most abominable sight ever seen on our planetary system. Onprotected woman dressed up in fine clothes standin’ up on her feet, and paradin’ herself before strange men. Oh! how bold! Oh! how onwomanly! No wonder,” says he, “the She Aunties are shocked at the sight, and say they marched to attract the attention of men. Why can’t women stay to home and set down and knit? And then men would love ’em. But if they keep on with these bold, forward actions, men won’t love ’em, and they will find out so. And it has always been, and is now, man’s greatest desire and chiefest aim he has aimed at, to protect women, to throw the shinin’ mantilly of his constant devotion about her delikit form and shield her and guard her like the very apples in his eyes.