“Friend!” says I, in awful axents. “Friend, Alzina Ann Richerson, you don’t know no more about that word than if you never see a dictionary. You don’t know the true meanin’ of that word, no more than an African babe knows about slidin’ down hill.”
Says I, “The Bible gives a pretty good idea of what it means; it speaks of a man layin’ down his life for his friend. Dearer to him than his own life. Do you s’pose such a friendship as that would be a mistrustin’ round, a-tryin’ to rake up every little fault they could lay holt of, and talk ’em over with everybody? Do you s’pose it would creep round under winders, and back-bite, and slander a Josiah?”
I entirely forgot, for the moment, that she had been a-talkin’ about me, for truly, abuse heaped upon my pardner seems ten times as hard to bear up under, as if it wus heaped upon me.
Josiah whispered to me, “That is right, Samantha! Give it to her!” and upheld by duty, and that dear man, I went on, and says I:
“My friends, those I love and who love me, are sacred to me. Their well-being and their interest is as dear to me as my own. I love to have others praise them, prize them as I do; and I should jist as soon think of goin’ ’round, tryin’ to rake and scrape sunthin’ to say against myself as against them.”
Agin I paused for breath, and agin Josiah whispered:
“That is right, Samantha; give it to her!”
Worshippin’ that man as I do, his words wus far more inspirin’ and stimulatin’ to me than root beer.
Agin I went on, and says I:
“Maybe it hain’t exactly accordin’ to Scripture; there is sunthin’ respectable in open enmity, in beginnin’ your remarks about anybody honestly, in this way. (Now, I detest and despise that man, and I am goin’ to try to relieve my mind by talkin’ about him, jist as bad as I can), and then proceed and tear him to pieces in a straightforward, manly way. I don’t s’pose such a course would be upheld by the ’postles. But, as I say, there is a element of boldness and courage in it, ammountin’ almost to grandeur, when compared to this kind of talk. ‘I think everything in the world of that man. I think he is jist as good as he can be, and he hain’t got a better friend in the world than I am.’ And then go on, and say everything you can to injure him. Why, a pirate runs up his skeleton and cross-bars, when he is goin’ to rob and pillage. I think, Alzina Ann, if I wus in your place, I would make a great effort, and try to be as noble and magnanimous as a pirate.”