But I wus soarin’ too high to light down that minute; so I kep’ on, though his interruption wus a-lowerin’ me down gradual.
Says I, “Be good and kind to everybody, and Mr. Bambers’es folks, as you have opportunity; but before you make bosom friends of ’em, wait and see if your soul speaks.” Says I, firmly, “Mine don’t in the case of the Bamberses.”
“Speakin’ of twin,” says Josiah, agin, “Did you ever see so beautiful a twin as Mr. Bambers’es twin is? What a pity they lost the mate to it! Their ma says it is perfectly wonderful the way that babe takes to me. I held it all the while she was ironin’ this forenoon. And the two boys foller me ’round all day, tight to my heels, instead of their father. Bamber says they think I am the prettiest man they ever see.”
Before I had time to say a word back, Bamber’s wife’s sister opened the door and come in unexpected, and said, “that Mrs. Bamber wanted to borrow the loan of ten pounds of side pork, some flour, the dish-kettle, and my tooth-brush.”
I let ’em all go, for I wus determined to use ’em well, but I told Josiah, after she went off with ’em, “that I did hate to lend my tooth-brush, the worst kind.”
And Josiah ’most snapped my head off, and muttered about my not bein’ neighborly, and that I did not feel a mite about neighberin’, as he did.
And I made a vow, then and there, (inside of my mind), that I wouldn’t say a word to Josiah Allen on the subject, not if they borrowed us out of house and home. Thinkses I, I can stand it as long as he can; if they spile our things, he has got to pay for new ones; if they waste our property, he has got to lose it; if they spile our comfort he’s got to stand it as well as I have; and knowin’ the doggy obstinacy of his sect, I considered this great truth that the stiller I kep’, and the less I said about ’em, the quicker he’d get sick of ’em; so I held firm. And never let on to Josiah but what it wus solid comfort to me to have ’em there, all the time, a’most; and not havin’ a minute I could call my own, and havin’ ’em borrow everything under the sun that ever wus borrowed; garden-sass of all kinds, and the lookin’-glass, groceries, vittles, cookin’ utensils, stove pipe, a feather bed, bolsters, bed-clothes, and the New Testament.
They even borrowed Josiah’s clothes. Why, Bamber wore Josiah’s best pantaloons more than Josiah did. He got so, he didn’t act as if he could ster out without Josiah’s best pantaloons. He’d keep a-tellin’ that he wus goin’ to get a new pair, but didn’t get ’em, and would hang onto Josiah’s. And Josiah had to stay to home a number of times, jist on that account. And then he’d borrowed Josiah’s galluses. Josiah had got kinder run out of galluses, and hadn’t got but one pair of sound ones. And Josiah would have to pin his pantaloons onto his vests, and the pins would loose out, and it wus all Josiah could do to keep his clothes on. It made it awful bad for him. I know, one day, when I had a lot of company, I had to wink him out of the room a number of times, to fix himself, so he would look decent. But all through it, I kep’ still and never said a word. I see we wus loosin’ property fast, and had lost every mite of comfort we had enjoyed, for there wus some on ’em there every minute of the time, a’most, and some of the time two or three of ’em. Why, Mrs. Bamber used to come over and eat breakfast with us lots of times. She’d say she felt so manger that she couldn’t eat nothin’ to home, and she thought mebby my vittles would go to the place. And besides losin’ our property and comfort, I’ll be hanged if I didn’t think, sometimes, that I should lose my pardner by ’em, they worked him so. But I held firm. Thinkses I, to myself, it must be that Josiah will get sick of neighborin’, after awhile, and start ’em off. For the sufferin’s that man endured could never be told or sung.
Why before they had been there a month, as I told Miss Scwelz, she was to our house a-visitin’, and Josiah was in the buttery a-churnin’, and I knew he wouldn’t hear, says I, “They have borrowed everything I have got, unless it is Josiah.” And if you’ll believe it, before I had got the words out of my mouth, Mr. Bamber’ses sister opened the door, and walked in and asked me “If I could spare Mr. Allen to help stretch a carpet.” And I whispered to Miss Scwelz, and says I, “if they hain’t borrowed the last thing now, if they hain’t borrowed Josiah.” But I told the girl “to take him in welcome.” (I was very polite to ’em, and meant to be, but cool).
So I tuk holt and done the churnin’ myself, and let him go.