Another point to which I would draw the attention of our girl is that the man should make the advances, should do the seeking and the courting. To this she would reply, “Why, of course! All girls know that.” They may know it theoretically, but does every girl live up to that knowledge? Does she always wait to be sought, to be won, without taking a hand herself at assisting destiny? I think observation will not prove that she does.
In this very free-and-easy age, when men are too busy seeking the elusive mighty dollar to be over-eager to show marked attention to girls, it is often the young woman who pays heed to some of the preliminaries of the courting period. It is frequently she who suggests to a man, after meeting him several times, that she would be glad to have him call. It is she who, when he is going on a journey, asks him if he will not write to her. It is she who asks him for his picture and, on occasion, offers him one of hers.
KEEPING ONE’S SELF-RESPECT
It is, and it has been through centuries, the place of the man to take the initiative in such matters. If he wants to call on a girl, let him, as a rule, have the courage to ask her if he may do so; if he wishes to correspond with her, he should ask her permission to write to her. And if he does none of these things of his own volition, they may go undone. The girl who, through love of admiration, or the desire for men’s attention, takes these initial steps, loses her self-respect, and, unless the man in question be an exceptional instance, awakens in his breast a sensation of amused interest. He is flattered, and a bit contemptuous. As time goes on and he likes the girl more and more, that feeling may be forgot, but it is always lying there dormant, and may arise sometime just when the young woman would most wish for respect and love.
Men prize that which they have had difficulty in winning. The apple that drops, over-ripe, at one’s feet is never quite so tempting as that which hangs just beyond reach.
It is well for the matter of sex to be put out of mind in many of the dealings between young men and young women, but in the question of loverly attentions it can not be ignored. And in this matter it is the man, and the man only, who should make advances. It is better for her peace of mind that a girl should never have the marked attention of any man, than that she should forget her maidenly dignity in order to acquire it. Such acquisition is certainly not worth the price paid for it.
A man must look up to that which he loves. And a hard-and-fast rule is the slangy one that declares that one does not run after a car when he has already caught it, or when it stands at the corner waiting for him, and ready to start or stand at his will. The girls for whom men find life worth living are those who are ideals as well as companions.
HANDS OFF