If I could give one rule to the bashful it would be: Forget yourself and your affairs in interest in others and their affairs. Be so fully occupied noticing how well others appear and trying to make everybody about you comfortable, that you have no time to think of your behavior. You will then not be guilty of any flagrant breach of etiquette. The most courteous women I have ever known, those whose manners were a charm to all whom they met, were those who were self-forgetful and always watching for opportunities to make other people comfortable. Such are the queens of society.
UNDUE SELF-CRITICISM
If you do make a mistake take consolation from the fact—which will be apparent to you in time—that others do the same. Perfect good breeding is a state to which few attain absolutely. One should not make one’s self thoroughly unhappy by too constant self-criticism, for to do this is to disobey—paradoxically—a fundamental social law. The old negro who, when asked to describe what he meant by “quality folks,” expressed this law when he answered, “Quality never doubts theirselves.” The beginner must doubt, but he should not agonize about it.
TALKING SHOP
“Talking shop” is usually alluded to as a decided breach of etiquette. In many cases it is so, yet there are people who are never so entertaining as when doing this very thing, and there are companies in which it is entirely proper they should do it. One must use discretion. Certainly, no one should be forced to talk of his daily work if he evidently prefers not to do so. Physicians in particular should not be compelled to play the professional when they are trying to relax socially.
A party is not the place for propaganda. The hostess who may be an ardent advocate of votes for women should be sure that all her guests share her views before she dogmatically propounds them. She may indeed politely introduce the topic and if she merely does this, no one present has a right to take offense or should hesitate in the same spirit to speak of her own view. But the subject is likely to prove dangerous. The writer has seen charming women utterly lose control of themselves and all but maul one another over a “discussion” on equal suffrage.
A social mistake to be avoided is that of being “touchy.” To be so occasions one great unhappiness and leads to serious mistakes in conduct. Do not allow yourself to find slights and affronts in the demeanor of those with whom you are thrown unless there is real foundation for the feeling. The mental attitude of fancying that others intend to wound us grows if it is indulged in and finally leaves us hopelessly out of key.