When one alludes to an entire family by name, respect requires that the article “the” be prefixed. One’s friends are “the Smiths,” “the Browns,” etc.
OVERWHELMING COMPLIMENTS
Profuse compliment is as much to be avoided as undue or untactful criticism. We are annoyed by those who persistently overwhelm us with admiring comment. On the other hand, one should not hesitate to speak a sincere word that will give pleasure; one may without apology tell a friend that her new hat is unusually becoming or her dress artistic. There are people who pride themselves on “never saying anything disagreeable” and they succeed in being so very often and quite unconsciously because they lack savor. Arthur Benson, the English essayist, has amusingly pointed out how dull society would be if we turned it into a chorus of indiscriminate praise of how delightful A is, what a charming person is B, how altogether lovely is C. Perhaps the wisest rule is to draw a sharp line between those who are entitled in a strict sense to the all-devoted attitude of affection and those whom we merely like and find entertaining. Even the most patent faults and shortcomings of the former must be sacred—“A friend conceals the weaknesses of a friend.” Of the second class one may speak frankly though of course always in taste and without malice.
CHAPTER XLIII
ON MANNER
WHILE it is important to master the minutiæ that govern the conduct of social life, it is well to remember that a good manner is to be desired even above good manners. “Not what she says but the way she says it” was the clever explanation made by an experienced society woman of the charm of a débutante. If one doubts this for a moment, one has only to recall the impression made now and then by a fine-mannered workman or a country woman who has never attended a “function” in her life. Such persons, by virtue of a native dignity of bearing, by a beautiful simplicity and a kindness of heart toward all men, would be at home in any assembly worthy to receive them. One can fancy that Stella, whom Dean Swift loved, would have been at ease in any society, even had she lacked her protector’s instruction and fostering care. We are told that she has civility, repose and humor, three great qualities that make for social success. A well-known woman, describing those who possess savoir-faire, says: “They have the genius of tact to perceive, the genius of finesse to execute, ease and frankness of manner, a knowledge of the world that nothing can surprise, a calmness of temper that nothing can disturb, and a kindness of disposition that can never be exhausted.”