CHAPTER XXI
THE HOUSE OF MOURNING
THE observance of mourning is a difficult matter to treat, for individual feeling enters largely into the question. Still, there are certain rules accepted by those who would not be made remarkable by their scorn of conventionalities.
The matter of mourning-cards and stationery has been treated in the chapter on “Calls and Cards,” and on “Letter-Writing.” A word may here be added with regard to the letter of condolence. This should be written to the bereaved person as soon as practicable after the death for which she mourns. It must not be long, but should express in a few sincere words the sympathy felt, and the wish to do something to help alleviate the mourner’s distress. This letter does not demand an answer, but some persons try, some weeks after such letters have been received, to reply to them. This is not really necessary, except when the writer is a near friend of the family. In many cases, a black-edged card bearing the words, “Mr. and Mrs. —— wish to thank you for your kind sympathy in their recent bereavement,” is mailed to the writer.
If one does not write a letter, one may send to or leave at the house of mourning a card, bearing the words, “Sincere sympathy,” upon it.
ATTENDING A FUNERAL
The funeral notice in the daily papers is now sometimes accompanied by the request, “Kindly omit flowers.” To send flowers after the appearance of such a notice is the height of rudeness and shows little respect to the dead and none for the family.
If there are more flowers than can be taken to the cemetery, those left may be sent to the inmates of hospitals, who need not know that they were intended for a funeral. Those who attend a funeral should dress quietly, but they need not wear black unless they prefer to do so.
While few persons would be guilty of attending a funeral out of curiosity, there are undoubtedly some who do. Sensitive people are growing to realize that the last ceremony for the dead is too sacred to be shared except with those who are really entitled by close ties to be present and have signified by personal messenger those whom they desired should be present.
In attending a funeral one should be prompt, and yet not so far ahead of the hour set as to arrive before the final arrangements are completed. At a church or house funeral, one should wait to be seated as the undertaker or his assistant directs. Nor should one ever linger after the services to speak to any members of the family, unless one is particularly requested to do so. One should not expect to look on the face of the dead unless one is asked to do so.