DI.—PENCE TABLE.
A schoolboy going into the village without leave, his master called after him, "Where are you going, sir?"—"I am going to buy a ha'porth of nails."—"What do you want a ha'porth of nails for?"—"For a halfpenny," replied the urchin.
DII.—SATISFACTION.
Lord William Poulat was said to be the author of a pamphlet called "The Snake in the Grass." A gentleman abused in it sent him a challenge. Lord William protested his innocence, but the gentleman insisted upon a denial under his own hand. Lord William took a pen and began: "This is to scratify that the buk called 'The Snak'"—"Oh! my Lord," said the person, "I am satisfied; your Lordship has already convinced me you did not write the book."
DIII.—A SAFE APPEAL.
A physician once defended himself from raillery by saying, "I defy any person whom I ever attended, to accuse me of ignorance or neglect."—"That you may do safely," replied an auditor, "for you know, doctor, dead men tell no tales."
DIV.—A CAUTIOUS LOVER.
"When I courted her," said Spreadweasel, "I took lawyer's advice, and signed every letter to my love,—'Yours, without prejudice!'"—D.J.
DV.—THE SWORD AND THE SCABBARD.
A wag, on seeing his friend with something under his cloak, asked him what it was. "A poniard," answered he; but he observed that it was a bottle: taking it from him, and drinking the contents, he returned it, saying, "There, I give you the scabbard back again."