An American braggart told Cooke that his family was amongst the oldest in Maryland. Cooke inquired if he had carefully examined the family plate,—the fetters and handcuffs!
DCCXX.—A SPECIMEN OF UNIVERSITY ETIQUETTE.
A poor youth, brought up in one of the colleges, could not afford the price of a pair of shoes, but when his old ones were worn out at the toes, had them capped with leather: whereupon his companions began to jeer him for so doing: "Why," said he, "don't you see they must be capped? Are they not fellows?"
DCCXXI.—A MEDICAL OPINION.
An unfortunate man, who had never drank water enough to warrant the disease, was reduced to such a state by dropsy, that a consultation of physicians was held upon his case. They agreed that tapping was necessary, and the poor patient was invited to submit to the operation, which he seemed inclined to do in spite of the entreaties of his son. "O, father, father, do not let them tap you," screamed the boy, in an agony of tears; "do anything, but do not let them tap you!"—"Why, my dear?" inquired the afflicted parent, "it will do me good, and I shall live long in health to make you happy."—"No, father, no, you will not: there never was anything tapped in our house that lasted longer than a week."
DCCXXII.—THE CAUSE.
Lisette has lost her wanton wiles—
What secret care consumes her youth,
And circumscribes her smiles?
A speck on a front tooth.
DCCXXIII.—WHAT'S GOING ON?
A very prosy gentleman, who was in the habit of waylaying Jerrold, met his victim, and, planting himself in the way, said, "Well, Jerrold, what is going on to-day?"
Jerrold said, darting past the inquirer, "I am!"