The author of the "Parson's Daughter," when surprised one evening in his arm-chair, two or three hours after dinner, is reported to have apologized, by saying, "When one is alone, the bottle does come round so often." On a similar occasion, Sir Hercules Langreish, on being asked, "Have you finished all that port (three bottles) without assistance?" answered, "No—not quite that—I had the assistance of a bottle of Madeira."
DCCXCVII.—A MUSICAL BLOW-UP.
The Rev. Mr. B——, when residing at Canterbury some years ago, was reckoned a good violoncello-player. His sight being dim obliged him very often to snuff the candles, and in lieu of snuffers he generally employed his fingers in that office, thrusting the spoils into the sound-holes of his violoncello. A waggish friend of his popped a quantity of gunpowder into B——'s instrument. The tea equipage being removed, music became the order of the evening, and B—— dashed away at Vanhall's 47th. B—— came to a bar's rest, the candles were snuffed, and he thrust the ignited wick into the usual place—fit fragor, and bang went the fiddle to pieces.
DCCXCVIII.—READY-MADE WOOD PAVEMENT.
When the Marylebone vestrymen were discussing the propriety of laying down wood pavement within their parish, and were raising difficulties on the subject, Jerrold, as he read the report of the discussion, said:—
"Difficulties in the way! Absurd. They have only to put their heads together, and there is the wood pavement."
This joke has been erroneously given to Sydney Smith.
DCCXCIX.—PROPER DISTINCTION.
An undergraduate had unconsciously strayed into the garden of a certain D.D., then master of the college adjoining. He had not been there many minutes, when Dr. —— entered himself, and, perceiving the student, in no very courteous manner desired the young gentleman to walk out; which the undergraduate not doing (in the opinion of the doctor) in sufficient haste, Domine demanded, rather peremptorily, "whether he knew who he was?" at the same time informing the intruder he was Dr. ——. "That," replied the undergraduate, "is impossible; for Dr. —— is a gentleman, and you are a blackguard!"