When Baron Martin was at the Bar and addressing the Court of Exchequer in an insurance case, he was interrupted by Mr. Baron Alderson observing: "Mr. Martin, do you think any office would insure your life? Remember, yours is a brief existence."
CMLXIV.—GOOD ADVICE.
A philosopher being asked of whom he had acquired so much knowledge, replied, "Of the blind, who do not lift their feet until they have first sounded, with their stick, the ground on which they are going to tread."
CMLXV.—EXPECTORATION.
We are terribly afraid that some Americans spit upon the floor, even when that floor is covered by good carpets. Now all claims to civilization are suspended till this secretion is otherwise disposed of. No English gentleman has spit upon the floor since the Heptarchy.—S.S.
CMLXVI.—A COAT-OF-ARMS.
A great pretender to gentility
Came to a herald for his pedigree:
The herald, knowing what he was, begun
To rumble o'er his heraldry; which done,
Told him he was a gentleman of note,
And that he had a very glorious coat.
"Prithee, what is 't?" quoth he, "and take your fees."
"Sir," says the herald, "'tis two rampant trees,
One couchant; and, to give it further scope,
A ladder passant, and a pendent rope.
And, for a grace unto your blue-coat sleeves,
There is a bird i' th' crest that strangles thieves."
CMLXVII.—DR. SIMS.
A glorious bull is related, in the life of Dr. Sims, of a countryman of his, an Irishman, for whom he had prescribed an emetic, who said with great naiveté: "My dear doctor, it is of no use your giving me an emetic! I tried it twice in Dublin, and it would not stay on my stomach either time."