Mrs. Montgomery was the only—the motherless—daughter of the stern General Campbell, who early installed her into the duties of housekeeper, and it sometimes happened that, in setting down the articles purchased, and their prices, she put the "cart before the horse." Her gruff papa never lectured her verbally, but wrote his remarks on the margin of the paper, and returned it for correction. One such instance was as follows: "General Campbell thinks five-and-six-pence exceedingly dear for parsley." Henrietta instantly saw her mistake; but, instead of formally rectifying it, wrote against the next item,—"Miss Campbell thinks twopence-halfpenny excessively cheap for fowls"; and sent it back to her father.
MXXXIV.—TELLING ONE'S AGE.
A lady, complaining how rapidly time stole away, said: "Alas! I am near thirty." A doctor, who was present, and knew her age, said: "Do not fret at it, madam; for you will get further from that frightful epoch every day."
MXXXV.—POT VALIANT.
Provisions have a greater influence on the valor of troops than is generally supposed; and there is great truth in the remark of an English physician, who said, that with a six weeks' diet he could make a man a coward. A distinguished general was so convinced of this principle, that he said he always employed his troops before their dinner had digested.
MXXXVI.—CAUSE AND EFFECT.
Sir William Dawes, Archbishop of York, was very fond of a pun. His clergy dining with him, for the first time, after he had lost his lady, he told them he feared they did not find things in so good order as they used to be in the time of poor Mary; and, looking extremely sorrowful, added, with a deep sigh, "She was, indeed, Mare Pacificum." A curate, who pretty well knew what she had been, said, "Ay, my lord, but she was Mare Mortuum first."
MXXXVII.—A BAD PREACHER.
A clergyman, meeting a particular friend, asked him why he never came to hear him preach. He answered, "I am afraid of disturbing your solitude."