MCCCXXII.—QUITE PROFESSIONAL.
A comedian, who had been almost lifted from his feet by the pressure at the funeral of a celebrated tragedian, ultimately reached the church-door. Having recovered his breath, which had been suspended in the effort, he exclaimed, "And so this is the last we shall ever see of him. Poor fellow! he has drawn a full house, though, to the end."
MCCCXXIII.—ON DR. LETTSOM.
If anybody comes to I,
I physics, bleeds, and sweats 'em;
If after that they like to die,
Why, what care I, I Lettsom.
MCCCXXIV.—EQUITABLE LAW.
A rich man made his will, leaving all he had to a company of fellow-citizens to dispose of, but reserving to his right heir "such a portion as pleased them." The heir having sued the company for his share of the property, the judge inquired whether they wished to carry out the will of the testator, and if so, what provision they proposed making for the heir? "He shall have a tenth part," said they, "and we will retain for ourselves the other nine."—"Take, then," said the judge, "the tenth part to yourselves, and leave the rest to the heir; for by the will he is to have what part 'pleaseth you.'"
MCCCXXV.—IRISH AND SCOTCH LOYALTY.
When George the Fourth went to Ireland, one of the "pisintry" said to the toll-keeper as the king passed through, "Och, now! an' his majesty never paid the turnpike, an' how's that?"—"O, kings never does; we lets 'em go free," was the answer. "Then there's the dirty money for ye," says Pat; "It shall never be said that the king came here, and found nobody to pay the turnpike for him." Tom Moore told this story to Sir Walter Scott, when they were comparing notes as to the two royal visits. "Now, Moore," replied Scott, "there ye have just the advantage of us: there was no want of enthusiasm here; the Scotch folk would have done anything in the world for his majesty, except pay the turnpike."
MCCCXXVI.—RUNNING ACCOUNTS.
The valet of a man of fashion could get no money from him, and therefore told him that he should seek another master, and begged he would pay him the arrears of his wages. The gentleman, who liked his servant, and was desirous of keeping him, said, "True, I am in your debt, but your wages are running on."—"That's the very thing," answered the valet; "I am afraid they are running so fast, that I shall never catch them."