MDCXV.—LONG AGO.
A lady, who was very submissive and modest before marriage, was observed by a friend to use her tongue pretty freely after. "There was a time," he remarked, "when I almost imagined she had no tongue."—"Yes," said the husband, with a sigh, "but it's very very long since!"
MDCXVI.—AN UNLIKELY RESULT.
When Sir Thomas More was brought a prisoner to the Tower, the lieutenant, who had formerly received many favors from him, offered him "suche poore cheere" as he had; to which the ex-chancellor replied, "Assure yourself, master lieutenant, I do not mislike my cheer; but whensoever so I do, then thrust me out of your doors."
MDCXVII.—POLITICAL LOGIC.
If two decided negatives will make
Together one affirmative, let's take
P——t's and L——t's, each a rogue per se,
Who by this rule an honest pair will be.
MDCXVIII.—A WISE DECISION.
A gentleman going to take water at Whitehall stairs, cried out, as he came near the place, "Who can swim?"—"I, master," said forty bawling mouths; when the gentleman observing one slinking away, called after him; but the fellow turning about, said, "Sir, I cannot swim,"—"Then you are my man," said the gentleman, "for you will at least take care of me for your own sake."
MDCXIX.—A POINT NEEDING TO BE SETTLED.
A Scottish minister being one day engaged in visiting some members of his flock, came to the door of a house where his gentle tapping could not be heard for the noise of contention within. After waiting a little he opened the door and walked in, saying, with an authoritative voice, "I should like to know who is the head of this house?"—"Weel, sir," said the husband and father, "if ye sit doon a wee, we'll maybe be able to tell ye, for we're just trying to settle that point."