MDCLXX.—A FOOL AND HIS MONEY.
A young spendthrift being apprised that he had given a shilling when sixpence would have been enough, remarked that "He knew no difference between a shilling and sixpence."—"But you will, young gentleman," an old economist replied, "when you come to be worth eighteen-pence."
MDCLXXI.—A GRIM JOKE.
Daniel Defoe said there was only this difference between the fates of Charles the First and his son James the Second,—that the former's was a wet martyrdom, and the other's a dry one.
MDCLXXII.—INSURANCE ASSURANCE.
The collector in a country church, where a brief was read for a sufferer from fire, flattered himself that he had been unusually successful in the collection, as he fancied he saw an agent to one of the fire-offices put a note into the box. On examining the contents, however, he found that the note had not issued from any bank, but merely bore these admonitory words, "Let them insure, as they wish to be saved."
MDCLXXIII.—GENUINE LAZINESS.
A young farmer, inspecting his father's concerns in the time of hay-harvest, found a body of the mowers asleep, when they should have been at work. "What is this?" cried the youth; "why, me, you are so indolent, that I would give a crown to know which is the most lazy of you."—"I am he," cried the one nearest to him, still stretching himself at his ease. "Here then" said the youth, holding out the money. "O, Master George," said the fellow, folding his arms, "do pray take the trouble of putting it into my pocket for me."
MDCLXXIV.—CUTTING.
A country editor thinks that Richelieu, who declared that "The pen was mightier than the sword," ought to have spoken a good word for the "scissors." Jerrold called scissors "an editor's steel-pen."