The Jest Book / The Choicest Anecdotes and Sayings

by Mark Lemon

• Damped Ardor, [240]
• Dancing Prelates, The, [226]
• Dangerous Generalization, A, [243]
• Dead Language, [110]
• Deadly Weapon, A, [288]
• Dear Bargain, A, [323]
• Dear Speaker, A, [319]
• Death and Dr. Bolus, [335]
• Death-bed Forgiveness, [323]
• Debt Paid, The, [77]
• Debtor and Creditor, [126]
• Decanting Extraordinary, [168]
• Defining a Creed, [335]
• Degeneracy, [129]
• Delicate Hint, [130]
• Delpini's Remonstrance, [144]
• Democratic Vision, [80]
• Deserved Retort, A, [64]
• Destitution of the Smith Family, [351]
• Devil's Own, The, [229]
• Dialogue, A, [16]
• Dialogue in the Western Islands of Scotland, [279]
• Dido, [86]
• Difference, A, [4]
• Difference of Opinion, [277]
• Difficult Task, A, [188]
• Difficulties in either Case, [318]
• Diffidence, [185]
• Dilemma, A, [168]
• Dinner Code, [368]
• Direct Road, The, [197]
• Disappointing Subscriber, A, [194]
• Disapprobation, [45]
• "Distant" Friend, A, [259]
• Distant Prospect, A, [16]
• Distressful Denouement, A [300]
• Doctor Glynn's Receipt for Dressing a Cucumber, [285]
• Doctor Weather-eye, [59]
• Doctrine of Chances, The, [15]
• Dodging a Creditor, [136]
• Dogged Answer, A, [10]
• Dog-matic, [27]
• Dogmatism, [221]
• Dog Tax, The, [352]
• Doing Homage, [223]
• Domestic Economy, [92]
• Done for, [352]
• Donne, Dr., [362]
• Double Knock, A, [116]
• Double Sight, [365]
• "Double Times," A, [88]
• Doubt Explained, The, [353]
• Doubtful Compliment, A, [31]
• Doubtful Creed, A, [105]
• Dreadful Suspicion, A, [328]
• Drinking Alone, [174]
• Driving it Home, [113]
• Droll to Order, [322]
• Drop, A, [306]
• Dry, but not Thirsty, [350]
• Dry Fellow, A, [227]
• Dry Humor, [337]
• Dull Man, A, [274]
• Dulness of a Debate, [162]
• Dunning and Lord Mansfield, [39]
• Dunning and Lord Thurlow, [97]
• Duplex Movement, [58]
• Dutiful Daughter, A, [309]

• Early Birds of Prey, [261]
• Early Habits, [342]
• Easily Answered, [135]
• Easily Satisfied, [164]
• East Indian Chaplaincy, An, [245]
• Easy as Lying, [29]
• Easy Way, An, [302]
• Ebenezer Adams, [150]
• Effort of Memory, An, [163]
• Elegant Compliment, [32]
• Elegant Retort, [205]
• Elliston and George IV., [240]
• Eloquent Silence, [117]
• Emperor of China, [48]
• Empty Gun, The, [113]
• Empty Head, An, [92]
• Encouragement, [216]
• Endless Task, An, [351]
• Entering the Lists, [236]
• Entertaining Proposition, An, [318]
• Envy, [238]
• Epigrams:—
  • Accounting for the Apostacy of Ministers, [173]
  • Addressed to Miss Edgeworth, [83]
  • A Good Word for Ministers, [39]
  • An Affirmative, [367]
  • By a Plucked Man, [93]
  • Conversational, [365]
  • "Cumberland", [34]
  • From the Italian, [82]
  • "I'm Living Still", [17]
  • "Life is a Lottery", [90]
  • "Nature" the Shoulder to the Burden suits, [311]
  • On a Bad Man, [47]
  • On a Bald Head, [198]
  • On a certain M.P.'s Indisposition, [196]
  • On a Debtor Lord, [222]
  • On a Gentleman named Heddy, [297]
  • On a Great Talker, [337]
  • On a Jury, [176]
  • On a Lady who Squinted, [79]
  • On a Lady who was Painted, [262]
  • On a Little Member's Versatility, [203]
  • On a New Duke, [37]
  • On a Petit-Maître Physician, [240]
  • On a Squinting Poetess, [315]
  • On a Stone thrown at a very Great Man, but which missed him, [26]
  • On a Student, [232]
  • On Alderman Wood, [224]
  • On an M.P. who recently got his Election at the Sacrifice of his Political Character, [214]
  • On Bank Notes being made a Legal Tender, [53]
  • On Bishop ——'s Religion, [365]
  • On Black and White, [63]
  • On Blank Cartridge, [341]
  • On Bloomfield, the Poet, [291]
  • On Butler's Monument, [340]
  • On Charles Kean, the Actor, [80]
  • On Cibber, [74]
  • On "Disloyal" Collins, [336]
  • On Dr. Glynn's Beauty, [182]
  • On Dr. Lettsom, [290]
  • On Dr. Walcot's Application for Shield's Ivory Opera Pass, [315]
  • On Dr. Walcot's Request for Ivory Tickets, [318]
  • On Drink, [182]
  • On Hearing a prosing Harangue from a certain Bishop, [245]
  • On Interminable Harangues, [76]
  • On Jekyll's nearly being thrown down by a very small Pig, [116]
  • On L—d—d—y, [81]
  • On Lord ——'s delivering his Speeches in a sitting Position, owing to excessive Gout, [121]
  • On Lord E—nb—h's Pericranium, [89]
  • On Lord W——'s saying the Independence of the House of Lords is gone, [193]
  • On Marriage, [170]
  • On Meanness, [117]
  • On Mr. Croker, [111]
  • On Mr. Gully, [234]
  • On Mr. Pitt's being pelted by the Mob, [295]
  • On Mr. Milton, the Livery Stable-keeper, [239]
  • On Neglect of Judicial Duties, [129]
  • On Phryne, [345]
  • On Pride, [101]
  • On Rogers, the Poet, [226]
  • On Shelley's Poem, "Prometheus Unbound", [230]
  • On Sir Walter Scott's Poem of "Waterloo", [304]
  • On the alleged Disinterestedness of a certain Prelate, [109]
  • On the charge of Illegally Pawning brought against Captain B——, M.P., [200]
  • On the Column to the Duke of York's Memory, [29]
  • On the Death of Foote, [81]
  • On the Depth of Lord ——'s Arguments, [88]
  • On the Disappointment of the Whigs, [307]
  • On the Duke of ——'s Consistency, [104]
  • On the Four Georges, [294]
  • On the Immortality of ——'s Speeches, [89]
  • On the King's Double Dealing, [166]
  • On the late Duke of Buckingham's Moderate Reform, [328]
  • On the Marriage of a very thin Couple, [172]
  • On the Name of Keopalani, [153]
  • On the Oiled and Perfumed Ringlets of a certain Lord, [178]
  • On the Price of Admission to see the Mammoth Horse, [266]
  • On the Sincerity of a certain Prelate, [134]
  • On Two Contractors, [316]
  • On the Two Harveys, [247]
  • On Wolsey, [347]
  • On ——'s Ponderous Speeches, [223]
  • On ——'s Veracity, [319]
  • "Pocket your Watch", [131]
  • Suggested by hearing a Debate, [241]
  • The Tanner, [115]
  • "There's Nobody at Home", [65]
  • To Closefist, [303]
  • To Lady Mount E——, [300]
  • "Turncoat", [46]
  • Upon the Trustworthiness of —— ——, [332]
  • "Very like a Whale", [154]
  • Written on the Union, 1801, [298]
• Episcopal Sauce, [114]
• Epitaph for Sir John Vanbrugh, [16]
• Epitaph on a Miser, [220]
• Epitaphs, [247]
• Epitaph upon Peter Staggs, [227]
• Error Corrected, An, [237]
• Erskine, Henry, [220], [244]
• Erskine's Firmness, [327]
• "Essay on Man", [185]
• Equal to Nothing, [177]
• Equality, [52], [156]
• Equality of the Law, [288]
• Equitable Law, [290]
• Equivocal Preference, An, [355]
• Equivocation, An, [198]
• Erasmus v. Luther, [293]
• Error in Judgment, [306]
• Erudite, [302]
• Euclid Refuted, [162], [333]
• Evasion, An, [335]
• Evidence of a Jockey, [75]
• Exaggeration, [160]
• Excusable Fear, [275]
• Excuse for Cowardice, [295]
• Existence of Matter, [363]
• Expectoration, [211]
• Expensive Job, An, [362]
• Expensive Trip, An, [311]
• Experimentum Crucis, [324]
• Explanation, An, [180]
• Extenuating Circumstances, [119]
• Extinguisher, An, [12]
• Extraordinary Compromise, [177]
• Extreme Simplicity, [87]
• Extremely Sulphurous, [366]
• Extremes Meet, [59], [77]
• Eye to Profit, An, [33]

• Fair Distribution, A, [344]
• Fair Play, [204]
• Fair Proposal, A, [105]
• Fair Repulse, A, [54]
• Fair Substitute, A, [4]
• Fairly Won, [293]
• Fall in Mitres, A, [23]
• False Delicacy, [23]
• False Estimate, [216]
• False Face True, A, [292]
• False Quantities, [154]
• False Quantity, [27]
• Familiar Friend, A, [329]
• Familiar Illustration, A, [41]
• Familiarity, [177]
• Family Party, A, [25]
• Family Pride, [74]
• Farcical, [364]
• Farmer and Attorney, [44]
• Farren, the Actor, On, [54]
• Fashion and Virtue, [329]
• Fat and Lean, [264]
• Fatigue Duty, [152]
• Favorite Air, A, [210]
• Fear of Educating Women, [140]
• Feeling His Way, [103]
• Feeling Witness, A, [59]
• Female Talkers, [49]
• Few Friends, [185]
• Fiction and Truth, [264]
• Fig for the Grocer, A, [150]
• Fighting by Measure, [49]
• Filial Affection, [182]
• Fillip for Him, A, [18]
• Fire and Water, [155]
• Fire of London, The, [31]
• Fishing for a Compliment, [82]
• Fishy, Rather, [80]
• Fixture, A, [74]
• Flash of Wit, A, [276]
• Flattery turned to Advantage, [30]
• Flying Colors, [318]
• Following a Leader, [78]
• Fool and His Money, A, [359]
• Fool Confirmed, A, [252]
• Fool or Knave, The, [313]
• Foote, [96]
• Foote and Lord Townsend, [94]
• Foote's Last Joke, [368]
• Footiana, [169]
• Foraging, [116]
• Force of Habit, The, [125], [257]
• Force of Nature, [55]
• Force of Satire, The, [49]
• Forcible Argument, A, [276]
• Foreign Accent, A, [29]
• Forgetful Man, A, [181]
• Fortunate Expedient, A, [294]
• Fortunate Stars, [270]
• Fowl Joke, A, [311]
• Fox, Charles James, [361]
• Free Translation, A, [355]
• French Language, [109]
• French Precipitation, [52]
• Full House, A, [257]
• Full Inside, [170]
• Full Proof, [74]
• Full Stop, A, [264]
• Funeral Invitation, [356]

• Gambling, [234]
• Garrick and Foote, [199]
• Garth and Rowe, [357]
• Generosity and Prudence, [213]
• Gently, Jemmy, [151]
• Genuine Irish Bull, [128]
• Genuine Laziness, [360]
• George II. and the Recorder, [106]
• Getting a Living, [274]
• "Getting the Worst of It", [340]
• Gluttons and Epicures, [153]
• Going from the Point, [335]
• Going to Extremes, [332]
• Gone Out, [360]
• Good Advice, [3], [152], [209], [211]
• Good at a Pinch, [223]
• Good Appetite, A, [254]
• Good at the Halt, [302]
• Good Authority, [173]
• Good Character, A, [304]
• Good Critic, A, [114]
• Good Enough for a Pig, [364]
• Good Evidence, [227]
• Good Example, A, [83]
• Good Excuse, A, [134]
• Good Eyes, [274]
• Good Hearing, [206]
• Good-hearted Fellow, A, [81]
• Good Investment, A, [235]
• Good Jail Delivery, A, [183]
• Good Joke, A, [210]
• Good Judge, A, [361]
• Good Likeness, A, [253]
• Good Mixture, A, [283]
• Good Neighbor, A, [197]
• Good News for the Chancellor, [144]
• Good One, A, [135]
• Good Parson, A, [14]
• Good Place, A, [30]
• Good Reason, A, [47], [50], [53], [78]
• Good Reason for a Bad Cause, A, [313]
• Good Recommendation, A, [266]
• Good Riddance, [105]
• Good Servant, A, [66]
• Good Sport, [65]
• Good Swimmer, A, [171]
• Good Translation, A, [138]
• Good Wife, A, [250]
• Gouty Shoe, The, [189]
• Graceful Excuse, [175]
• Graceful Illustration, A, [230]
• Grafting, [218]
• Grammatical Distinction, A, [17]
• Grandiloquence, [248]
• Grandson, The, [299]
• Grave Doctor, A, [18]
• Great Cabbage, [251]
• Great Difference, A, [132]
• Gretna Customer, A, [100]
• Grim Joke, A, [360]
• Growl, A, [188]
• Grunt, A, [312]
• Guide to Government Situations, A, [59]

• Habeas Corpus Act, [194]
• Half-way, [76]
• Hand and Glove, [21]
• Handsome Contribution, A, [42]
• Happiness, [41]
• Happy Man, A, [121]
• Happy Suggestion, A, [32]
• Hard Hit, A, [187]
• Hard of Digestion, [215]
• Hard-ware, [221]
• Having a Call, [258]
• Heavy Weight, A, [296]
• He "Lies Like Truth", [21]
• He who Sung "The Lays of Ancient Rome", [322]
• Henry VIII., [278]
• Hero-phobia, [20]
• Hesitation in his Writing, [59]
• Hiatus, A, [102]
• Hic-cupping, [10]
• High and Low, [36]
• High Gaming, [215]
• Highland Politeness, [186]
• Hinc Ille Lachrymæ, [70]
• Hint for Genealogists, A, [191]
• His Way—Out, [188]
• Hoaxing an Audience, [206]
• Holland's Funeral, [308]
• Home Argument, A, [72]
• Home is Home, [19]
• Honest Horse, An, [31]
• Honest Man's Litany, The, [204]
• Honest Warranty, An, [94]
• Honor, [311]
• Honor to Tipperary, An, [338]
• Hook's Politeness, [127]
• Hopeful Pupil, The, [124]
• Hopeless Invasion, A, [322]
• Horne Tooke and Wilkes, [284]
• Horse Laugh, A, [7]
• Horses to Grass, [285]
• How to Escape Taxation, [238]
• How to get rid of an Enemy, [261]
• How to make a Man of Consequence, [168]
• Howe, Lord, [278]
• Human Happiness, [64]
• Humane Society at an Evening Party, The, [191]
• Humor under Difficulties, [52]
• Humorist Piqued, A, [339]
• Husbanding his Resources, [321]
• Husband's Marriage, On Mr., [120]

• "I can get Through", [263]
• Idolatry, [79]
• Illegal Indorsement, An, [325]
• Imitation of a Cow, [121]
• Important to Bachelors, [280]
• Impossible in the Evening, [254]
• Impossible Renunciation, An, [191]
• Impromptu by Counsellor Bushe, [181]
• Impromptu by R.B. Sheridan, [180]
• Impromptu on an Apple being thrown at Mr. Cooke, [230]
• Impromptu—"St. Stephen's Walls", [101]
• Impromptu—"The Fall of Sparta", [143]
• Impudent Wit, An, [346]
• Inadvertence and Epicurism, [286]
• Incapacity, [241]
• Inconvenient Breakdown, An, [303]
• Incredible, [5]
• Independence, [101]
• Indifference to Death, [367]
• Indifference to Life, [274]
• In-door Relief, [185]
• Industry and Perseverance, [212]
• Industry of the English People, [307]
• Inevitable Misfortune, An, [352]
• Information easily Acquired, [326]
• Ingenious Device, An, [196]
• Ingenious Reply of a Soldier, [37]
• Ingenuousness, [104]
• Ingratitude, [58], [283]
• Inhospitable Irishman, An, [364]
• In Memoriam, [320]
• Inquest Extraordinary, [97], [312]
• Inquest—not Extraordinary, [132]
• Inquests Extraordinary, [102]
• Inscription on Inscriptions, An, [2]
• Insurance Assurance, [360]
• In Suspense, [27]
• Interested Inquiry, [357]
• In the Background, [230]
• In the Dark, [218]
• Introductory Ceremony, An, [67]
• Intruder Rebuked, The, [30]
• In Want of a Husband, [231]
• Ireland's Forgery, [134]
• Irish and Scotch Loyalty, [290]
• Irish Imprudence, [291]
• Irishman's Notion of Discount, An, [282]
• Irishman's Plea, An, [212]
• Iron Duke, The, [118]
• "I Takes 'em as they Come", [341]
• "I've Done the same Thing often", [103]

• James Smith and Justice Holroyd, [235]
• Jemmy Gordon, [256]
• Jest of Ancestry, The, [176]
• Jew's Eye to Business, A, [286]
• Johnson and Mrs. Siddons, [128]
• Johnson, Dr., [190]
• Johnson, Dr., without Variation, [71]
• Johnson's, Dr., Opinion of Mrs. Siddons, [197]
• Joint Concern, A, [46]
• Joke from the North, A, [366]
• Jolly Companions, [256]
• Jonson, Ben, [99]
• Judge in a Fog, A, [199]
• Judgment, [262]
• "Junius" discovered, [11]
• Jury Case, A, [350]
• Just as Wonderful, [312]
• Just Debtor, A, [56]
• Justice Midas, [332]
• Justice not always Blind, [144]

• Kean's Impromptu, [100]
• Keen Reply, [83]
• Keeping a Conscience, [126]
• Keeping a Promise, [117]
• Keeping It to Himself, [333]
• Keeping Time, [236]
• Kew, The Way to, [297]
• Killed by His Own Remedy, [338]
• Kind Hint, A, [336]
• Kitchener and Colman, [145]
• Knotty Point, A, [47]
• Knowing Best, [183]
• Knowing His Man, [91], [313]
• Knowing His Place, [69]

• Lady Anne, [120]
• Lamb and Erskine, [123]
• Lamb and Sharp Sauce, [212]
• Lame Beggar, The, [308]
• Landlord and Tenants, [48]
• Large, but Not Large Enough, [219]
• Last Resource, A, [274]
• "Last War," The, [165]
• Late and Early, [203]
• Late Dinner, [112]
• Late Discoverer, A, [330]
• Late Edition, A, [15]
• Latimer, [295]
• Latin for Cold, The, [123]
• Latin Gerunds, On the, [135]
• Law and Physic, [181], [333]
• Law and the Scottish Thane, [342]
• Lawyer's House, [149]
• Lawyer's Opinion of Law, A, [99]
• Leaving His Verdict, [100]
• Leg Wit, [182]
• Legal Adulteration, [147]
• Legal Extravagance, [249]
• L'Envoy, [368]
• Letter C, The, [248]
• Letter H, The, [136], [199]
• Letter Wanting, A, [138]
• Liberal Gift, [135]
• Licensed to Kill, [160]
• Lie for Lie, [198]
• Light Bread, [80]
• Light-headed, [20]
• Light Joke, A, [250]
• Light Study, A, [19]
• Light Subject, The, [4]
• Lincoln's-Inn Dinners, [207]
• Lines to O'Keefe, [330]
• Lingual Infection, [214]
• Liquid Remedy for Baldness, [196]
• Liston's Dream, [148]
• Literal Joke, A, [125]
• Literary Pastime, [354]
• Literary Rendering, A, [284]
• Little to Give, [171]
• Long Ago, [348]
• Long Bill, A, [145]
• Long Illness, A, [279]
• Long Residence, A, [239]
• Long Story, [161]
• Look-A-head, [178]
• Look in his Face, [12]
• Losing an I, [113]
• Lost and Found, [276]
• Love, [220]
• Love and Hymen, [148]
• Love of the Sea, [157]
• Love Songs, by Dean Swift, [32]
• Lusus Naturæ, A, [189]
• Luxurious Smoking, [173]
• Lying, [208]
• Lying Consistently, [20]

• Mac ready to Call, [178]
• Mad Quakers, [138]
• Maids and Wives, [43]
• Majesty of Mud, The, [61]
• Making a Clearance, [143]
• Making Free, [263]
• Making Free with the Waist, [321]
• Making It Up, [52]
• Making Progress, [232]
• Malone, Sir Anthony, [184]
• Man and a Brother, A, [337]
• Man of Letters, A, [26]
• Man of Metal, A, [306]
• Man-traps, [179]
• Man Without a Rival, [198]
• Mark of Respect, A, [100]
• Marriage, [82], [211]
• Matrimony, [349]
• Matter in His Madness, [8]
• Maule-practice, [249]
• Measure for Measure, [64], [146]
• Measure of a Brain, The, [93]
• Measuring his Distance, [46]
• Mechanical Surgeon, A, [169]
• Medical Opinion, A, [158]
• Medicine must be of Use, The, [62]
• Melo-dramatic Hit, [279]
• Men of Letters, [205]
• Men of Weight, [322]
• Merry Thought, A, [346]
• Michaelmas Meeting, A, [331]
• Milesian Advice, [77]
• Military Axiom, A, [276]
• Military Eloquence, [310]
• Milton on Woman, [53]
• Mind your Points, [242]
• Minding his Business, [107]
• Minding his Cue, [203]
• Miser's Charity, [53]
• Mistake, A, [191]
• Mistaken Identity, [13]
• Model Philanthropist, A, [251]
• Modern Acting, [185]
• Modern Sculptor, A, [188]
• Modest, [46]
• Modest Merit, [75]
• Modest Request, [25]
• Money-Borrower Deceived, The, [306]
• Money-Lender, A, [217]
• Money Returned, [21]
• Money's Worth, [188]
• Money's Worth, [233], [262]
• Monster, A, [215]
• Moral Equality of Man, [93]
• More Honored in the Breach, [238]
• Mot of Defoe, [54]
• Motherly Remark, [233]
• Much Alike, [250]
• Multiplying One, [366]
• Musical Blow-up, A, [174]
• Musical Taste, [214]
• Mystery Cleared Up, A, [237]