A Quaker was examined before the Board of Excise, respecting certain duties; the commissioners thinking themselves disrespectfully treated by his theeing and thouing, one of them with a stern countenance asked him, "Pray, sir, do you know what we sit here for?"—"Yea," replied Nathan, "I do; some of thee for a thousand, and others for seventeen hundred and fifty pounds a year."
CCLXXIII.—A TRUE JOKE.
A man having been capitally convicted at the Old Bailey, was, as usual, asked what he had to say why judgment of death should not pass against him? "Say!" replied he, "why, I think the joke has been carried far enough already, and the less that is said about it the better: if you please, my lord, we'll drop the subject."
CCLXXIV.—THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE.
A judge asked a man what age he was. "I am eight and fourscore, my lord," says he. "And why not fourscore and eight?" says the judge. "Because," replied he, "I was eight before I was fourscore."
CCLXXV.—A CITY VARNISH.
It being remarked of a picture of "The Lord Mayor and Court of Aldermen," in the Shakespeare Gallery, that the varnish was chilled and the figures rather sunk, the proprietors directed one of their assistants to give it a fresh coat of varnish. "Must I use copal or mastic?" said the young man. "Neither one nor the other," said a gentleman present; "if you wish to bring the figures out, varnish it with turtle soup."
CCLXXVI.—A RUB AT A RASCAL.
George Colman being once told that a man whose character was not very immaculate had grossly abused him, pointedly remarked, that "the scandal and ill report of some persons that might be mentioned was like fuller's earth, it daubs your coat a little for a time, but when it is rubbed off your coat is so much the cleaner."